The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My sober ABF rang this morning very uspset he said he could not believe how selfish I am being and never wants to talk to me again. he said I have been like a dad to the kids I want to go to the 18th. My son has also said its my prob and he wants my ex there. even my brother who doesnt want me with him said he should go. I told ex abf that its not cause I a being nasty I still care and was just trying to avaid the pain. Anyway he is coming and I have to be mature and set by boundaries really strongly. will need lots of al ano support. I had handed it over to Hp so it must be his will.
In difficult situations, I often ask God to come a little closer. I picture God walking beside me with His arm around my shoulder and his hand wrapped tightly around my mouth for my own benefit.
I know I cant take words back once I say them in difficult situations. I however want to keep myself safe from saying things I would have to make an amends for. There is a saying, if it is to be, it is up to me.
I pray you find some joy and fun in the party. I know it can be hard.
(((((((((Tracy)))))))))))) I went back and read your other posts leading up to this to get some more context. I like what tommyecat said about God with his hand over my mouth. I know that sure has been to my benefit more than once. I'm always so proud of myself and relieved that I was able to restrain myself...despite the rising tension, annoyance, impatience, ect... The times I did fly off the handle, I deeply regretted it - and it was never worth the momentarily feeling of relieve from exploding... that relief was always quickly replaced by regret (and later, apologies).
you are doing what you feel is best for you and that takes courage.
If I could offer some of my experience. My AH has been away from our home for 3 months - he went to detox, then rehab, and is now living in a sober living home. I'm selling our house - I can't afford it on my own and the accumulated debt is too much. Anyway, we are kinda together (in that we haven't broken up) but it's awkward. There are times when I miss him terribly and wish he was at the family stuff, kids events ect.. and then times when I'm grateful he is NOT there as I feel I can relax more, not worry to much, not obsess, ect.
What I do wish sometimes... is that my AH made more of an effort or showed that he did miss my daughter and made an effort to spend time with her. (he's her step dad but been in her life since she was 4 so they were close) She's 11 now. But, then on the flip side I wonder... is that healthy? I know she misses him... but... oh there are a million 'buts'. Everything confuses me. Confusion and uncertainty about what's right, what to do, the legitimacy of my feelings and decisions - was the topic of our last marriage counseling session last week. Apparently, this is very common.
So, I'm upset because I feel like my AH too easily stopped showing he cares about my daughter, or stopped making efforts, and didn't express how he wanted to or tried to attend certain functions, and you, don't want yours to attend. If my situation were reversed meaning if my AH was wanting to attend all the stuff, I could see myself feeling as you do...not wanting him there because it's harder for me. I guess what I'm saying is... I think I believe that in these trying times of uncertainty and change.... everything is hard, everything is uncomfortable... but it's us pushing through that pain, working on ourselves, and rising above it all, to find the joy and meaning in our lives again, and the persistence and growth that matters.
