The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Background ... my exAH was released from prison late February after 2 years and 6 months in an intense treament facility. I was scared, I resolved my fears, I was compassionate, I tried to accept his amends on a limited basis and was grateful to observe some signs of real recovery. Last two weeks each encounter provided a red flag of Aisms .... a few red flags and tonight he is on my doorstep, been drinking, facing revocation of his early release. He wanted to vent about the horrible world out to get himi ... actually no just one female like he did about me, his SIL he has been staying with and now his family .. oh whatever, same ole story you guys know.
I said no to repeated requests to stay here just for the night. I explained how hard I had worked for and how important my serenity and program is. I refused to call him a cab to a bar, he could use my phone, but if he wanted me to decide where to call it would be a local AA number or if nobody was available then it would be the police. He made the call himself. I gave him a hug and said I hoped he made the right decisions for his story. I locked the door.
I am scared the anger I heard will turn on me tonight. I am sorry... angry that I am powerless. I am glad I am not listening to IT right now. I am sad that this can not end for him. I am scared this will end for him. I feel I will sleep easier having stated my priority and retained my honesty, dignity, reality than if I had given in to fear, drama and pity. I am grateful, but for the grace of a power greater than me, there go I.
Doing the next right thing for you. Leaning on your program.
Dealing with problems this disease throws at us is never easy, it takes practice. Because of your program it's evident you had no second thoughts. You knew how you would react and not react. Your example is ES&H for others.
Aloha Jen...that is sooo how it is done including letting family surround and care and love with you. Stay in the courage to change the things you can. You've done well for yourself and for him. Cunning, Powerful and Baffling...and then some. (((hugs)))
By writing what you have, you have shown you are not powerless over your own recovery. You have shown great strength and wisdom, retained your dignity and allowed him the choice to do the same.....thanks for sharing, gives me strength to keep working it a day at a time!!!
What a strong example of recovery. You set a loving boundary and sent him on his way. Congrats!
As I am writing I think about what happened to me when I set my first loving boundary. My heart was leaping out of my chest. After I set the boundary, I proceeded to go to the bathroom and hyperventilate. I probably stayed in there for ten minutes trying to get my act together. I was scared of trying new behaviors, I was scared of standing up for myself. Practicing the principals of the program, being true to myself, was so completely opposite of what I have ever done. I no longer have had such a severe reaction to setting boundaries. I have gotten better at it over the years.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I know so many others will grow from it.
Thanks for the share Jennifer. It is nice to know that the program works if you work it. Great detachment with love. I don't see how you could have handled it better. Thanks again.
I think you do know how you feel. You described it pretty well. I am guessing all your work in the program has helped you do this. Sorry for the confusion in your life but you sound pretty put together with regard to it all.
thank you all, I needed to get that out before it festered all night long ...
Mark, you are right. By the time I typed all those racing thoughts of feelings I did know what I was feeling. Did not like a few of them but I knew them at least. Still letting them go one by one.
