The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been married for 10 yrs. My husband is awesome and I love him so much. We have 2 beautiful kids 9 & 8. With all my husbands great trates he is also an alcoholic and drug addict. Last week he told me that he needed help. I put him in the car and took him right to the er. He had been saying that he wanted to die and because of that he was addmited to the behavioral services part of the hospital. He was there for 5 whole days. When he was discharged last Thursday he was given information on AA meetings and an appointment for an outpatient treatment center this week. He had been doing so great, but today... TODAY! he drank 3 beers. He doesn't want to go to AA he says it won't help him. He's outside doing yard work but I can't do this anymore. I just need some help. I need someone to tell me something that will help me get thru the next week, day, hour...
I completely understand what you shared, I think you are reading my personal mail. What I can tell you that helped me was finding this site years ago. Much like youself I got a log on id and posted. It gives some relief coming here and reading about the struggles of others and reading suggested solutions. However, it is just relief, not recovery.
The magic began for me when I started attending Alanon on a regular basis. That gave me much needed support but no recovery. What gave me a new perspective on my life, the disease, and my family was working the steps with a sponsor.
The truth is we are completely powerless over whether or not an AH drinks. We have the 3 C's which are posted in face to face meeting rooms which are: We did not Cause it, We cannot Cure it, and We cannot Control it. From Alanon literature there is a reading for which I forget whether it is Courage to Change or Hope for Today but it adds a 4th "C" which is we CAN Contribute to it.
Please consider going to a face to face meeting. There are people there who understand your problems as few others could.
Keep Coming Back! I am so glad you are here. {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}} Tommye
have to agree with tommycat, find a meeting and go to as many as you can. I was in your shoes some years ago and alanon literally saved my life and also helped to find my life. You wont learn how to stop him from drinking but u will find out how to life your life.some of the most important things I learned was that I had to look at my part in this, how I enabled, that I accepted unacceptable behavior, and that I could only change my self and my behavior. Don't give up hope but the most important thing you can do is to take care of yourself. I have been blessed with 10 years of sobriety in my home and with the both of us attending meetings is what saved our lives and our marriage. Don't quit before the miracle happens, and believe me miracles happen!
Littlemama, I am so moved by the pain you are feeling. I want you to know that I love you, and that there is help for you!
I remember how bleak and hopeless everything seemed, before I started coming to alanon. I remember that things had gotten so bad, my husband's drinking was literally killing him, my 12 year old was watching our lives deteriorate. I was crazy, crying, yelling all the time. It became impossible for me to hold it together any longer. I knew something had to change, or I was going to die.
In desperation, I found an Alanon group, and went to my first meeting. I didn't speak, just cried the whole time. Over the next month, I spoke a little, but cried every meeting. BUT, I kept coming. The people there were so kind, and full of hope. They understood my pain, and I realized many of them had suffered a lot as well, but they were able to smile, to laugh, to actually be happy. I didn't know how they managed it, but I wanted to feel good again too. It took several months before the mental fog, and the paralysis of fear, anxiety, and hopelessness began to lift. Gradually, with each passing week, I began to gain hope, even stopped crying every meeting! I began working the steps, got a sponsor and kept coming to meetings. I began to reclaim my life again, and true serenity, joy and hope began to blossom in my home. I was no longer the crazy woman, my son and I could talk, share, have fun together.
My husband still drank, but it was no longer the overwhelming, controlling Monster that it had been. I have been in the program for almost 3 years now, and I can't tell you how much I have grown and changed for the better! My husband stopped drinking for a year, but recently relapsed. That was hard, but it did not throw me into panic or crush my spirit. I know that I am not in charge of his sobriety, and have given that to God. Currently, he has stopped drinking again, and is fighting for his sobriety. I am very grateful, but I know that he has to walk his path, and all I can do is let him know I love him, and support him. Beyond that, I need to Let Go and Let God. I am so grateful to this program for giving me peace.
Believe me, there is a better life waiting for you, whether or not your husband continues to drink. Littlemama, find a meeting. Go. Keep going. It will save and renew your life! I have peace, and joy in mine. You can too!
I just wanted to say that I can relate to your share and I know it is so hard. I need to go to a real meeting myself, I know I do because when I have gone before it helped so much. And I know I need to work the steps because there is so much in me that I need to work on. I know how hard it is to turn my attention to me, and I know I can do it if I only surrender and start. Hugs, Take care. Welcome here :)
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Welcome littlemama, you have been given great advice here. I too have been in a spin about whether my AH drinks or doesn't and the effects of it on our 2 children. Today I read 2 of my Al-anon daily readers and spent some quiet time with my HP and turned over what I can't control or handle today and I already feel the drama lifted from my head and heart. If you have meetings near you try to find one. I have learned so much from this site and my face to face Al-anon meetings and gotten some great reading material at the meetings. Keep coming back.
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God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
Please find meetings for yourself , you need support it only takes one person to change to create change ,i know that nothing changes til someone changes and we cant wait for the alcoholic to do that . Often when the non drinker seeks recovery the alcoholic will follow them into recovery for themselves either way its a win win situation for us ,drinking or not we have sanity returned and can get on with our lives .. the beauty of this program for me was that i didnt have to leave my marriage to find the happiness i was looking for , it is possible to find happiness wether the alcoholic is still drinking or not .. your husb has a taste of sobriety now , there is nothing you can do to stop his drinking but alot you can do for yourself , the alcoholic is not the only one who has to change we do too like it or not we have a part in this mess . Take care of you get the focus back on your needs and learn how to become your own best friend ,
Hi there, and yes, like the others, I can totally relate.... Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt!
One of our most powerful slogans is "One Day At A Time" - that can be taken down to one hour, one minute, or one second, as the case may be.... Try to bring your fears back down to manageable levels (for you, at this moment in time). Our minds tend to get enmeshed in the whole scary future thing, projecting what/how we can possibly live like this for the next 'x' years, etc... Today, you can shorten up your time reference.... Do what you need to do to get through the next day... or hour... or minute....
In times of lesser crisis, you will be able to expand your thinking a bit broader, allowing you a better time to focus on those bigger things.... Choosing recovery for yourself is huge right now - it helps more than words can say...
He obviously isn't "getting it" just yet, and the reality is that he will "get it when he gets it", and you can't really influence that "when"....
"He will either drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
Choose recovery for you.
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
