The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
hi,im back in my same a/d relationship agin ,i love him he is trying last few times he has come to visit he isnt tanked up on nothing,he says he is quitting it all for me and himself mostly,but he sounded messed up on ph.earlier im not answering his calls cause i refuse to put up with him tanked up on enything ,hm where am i trying to go with all this ,im not never gonna marry him cause of his addictions,he lives with his boss and his family he has nothing but the clothes on his back,i will not let him live with me ,how can he ever move on with his life if he cant take care of his past?we r both 48 y/o ppl i dont like being alone he dont either but i hate to say that i do keep my eyes open for a better companion one that i dont have to wonder,worry,,,etc about ,i do love this man now but whats there to love??he is a really good carpenter he fixxes things here for me,and he is very affectionate with me,i am confused.............s.o.s i need esh
I realized for myself to be happy, I had to be the one to do it. I had to be responsible for myself, and keep the focus on working my program. I know that my AH is not responsible for taking care of me or making me happy, I am. Once I began to start asking myself things like "What do I feel about this?" and "What do I need right now?" I began to start taking care of myself. How wonderful and empowering that has been! Am I scared sometimes? Sure! I make mistakes, fall back into old habits and negative ways of thinking. But I catch myself quicker each time, and am able to change direction easier. I get back to the steps, dig out my Paths to Recovery book, call an alanon friend, and before I know it, I am happier, calmer, thinking clearly again. I know that saying is true: "It Works If You Work It"
One of the most important things I've learned since being in al-anon, is that while I was waiting for my partner to change, I didn't have to look at what I was neglecting to give myself. One of the hardest things I am learning is that I am worth loving, I am worth taking care of and I am important enough to give myself what I need. I wasn't taught this about myself growing up and so I wasn't able to understand it about myself as an adult. When I am able to take the focus off my partner and put it onto me, I have to look at how much I am hurting, and I don't want to do that because I don't want to feel the pain. When my partner is doing what my partner does, which often can involve hurting himself, or hurting other people, I can focus on his pain and so don't have to focus on my own. What I've realised is that when I focus on him and his pain, I make myself a victim of his circumstances. I have spent a long time being resentful of my partner for not taking care of me the way I thought he "should". What I've learned is that when I focus on loving me and taking care of me, I give myself the power to have choices about my life, and when I've got choices I can move forward. It's not easy but with the help of al-anon, and MIP, I'm learning to do it one day at a time. I've found too, that it really does work if you work it.
I'm new to sharing e,s,h, so just want to say, take what you like and leave the rest.
Wow I wanted to share how I relate to you and what steps I have taken, but Freya said it better than I ever could have. If you can make it to a face to face meeting that might be of help also. The more I look within for happiness and peace the less I feel let down. Good job in coming here for support, I am sending thoughts and prayers to you!
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God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
ty all for yur esh ,its wonderful to have ppl like us in this world,to share with,im now in the process agin off braking it off completly with him i make him mad over just lttle things and he makes me really mad with his vengeance ,lolthen its over with for mths or a mth,but i am in need to breaking it off completly with him,he is not good for me i need to move on and go where i know true happiness will work for me,and he drags me away from it.
