Very hard night! - Al-Anon Family Group

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

Very hard night!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

When a person is white knuckling, it means they are trying to control something they cannot.

And they are not on program.

So what I learned to do was get lost in the chat room with other Al Anonners. Or watched a movie myself, read a book.

It's not like he is going anywhere. You are only choosing a break.you can just as well choose to see him.

Take a breath, drop your elbows, let it be what it is. Make a yummy hot fudge sundae or go get one. Or make a fruit salad with strawberry daquiri frozen juice in it. yum.

I can get lost in a book for hours. The serenity prayer helped me a lot. Also I started to face he didn't really care or love me anymore. That was a hard one. But I know it for sure.

Learned to think why bother, not like he is going to live with me again.

Also for me, I hung out with him until I was sure I was done. The first time he left I thought I was going to die and came close a couple times.

but like most do, he came back.

Anyway I loved hanging out in the chat room here.

Glad you are here! Now shake those hands, take a nice few breaths, and decide what sounds good to you to do!

hugs,deb

member922 · Senior Member

Hi. I just wanted to wish you luck. You are doing well sticking to your plan.

Do whatever it takes. We are definitely here for you!

(oh and playing freecell or solitaire on the computer burns hours away for me lol)

sunny123 · Veteran Member

Keep it up! I remember when I was in that anxiety and how can I quickly get relief mode. It will pass, just stay busy so you don't do something you wish you hadn't. I tend to like manual labor like painting or weeding. It get your mind focussed on something else and exhausts you so you can sleep better. Oh and exercise is great too! A nice brisk walk will take the edge off and tire you out. Sometimes I would cry and walk but by the time I got home I always felt better. Also try re-reading some chapters from the book Getting them Sober.

Remember, A's lie, cheat and manipulate. You can't control any aspect of that. Did your A lie? Well, I know it's hard but maybe that isn't the question you should be asking. I tend to ask questions about myself - how can I handle this better, what can I do to make myself feel better, what am I thankful for? A's get us bogged down and focussing on them. Focus on yourself - you deserve it! Don't worry you'll make it and we are all here for you!

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Another thing you can do is go fetch the "telephone list" and call a couple people over to watch the movie with you...someone do the soda and the other person the popcorn or whatever. Of course there are a ton of alternatives you can do. ((((hugs)))) smile

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

Going through old postings on the site was very helpful to me. I was able to get some E,S, & H at any hour of the night. It helped me stay focused on a solution rather than being a prisioner in my own head.

Reading old posts also led me to gratitude. Some postings here are heart wrenching tragic circumstances. Looking at them made my problems seem so small. I became grateful for my life and my spiritual walk as a result of reading the journies of others.

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} Keep coming back

member922 · Senior Member

Good morning.

Just checking in to see how you are.

Otie · Senior Member

Dear flopadopilus, I noted what sunny123 reported about walking and crying at the same time. I have done the same thing when "man pain" was very acute. Somehow, it gave me some release. It felt like myself giving solice to myself.

Floapadopilus, I am curious--since I haven't met you, are you the type that cries or are you the "always keep a stiff upper-lip" type?

My empathy is with you. Overall,to me, you seem to be very determined.

Love, Otie smile

-- Edited by Otie on Sunday 1st of May 2011 09:00:19 AM

-- Edited by Otie on Sunday 1st of May 2011 09:01:43 AM

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi all I made it! And I lived what a surprise, haha! After work I had to drop off my oldest to him from her friends house where she stayed the night and since last night he was drinking and had my lil one, I decided to set boundaries that I thought we had previously set. I asked him if he would agree again not to drink when he has our youngest alone and he blamed me that he started doing it again, because he was mad at me. I again just said well can you respect my wishes on this and he again tried to find a way around it. I told him that I can bring it to mediation when we go to court on it and he cursed at me and started talking to me through his teeth. I ran out of the house crying and handed him fully over to God on the ride home. We were not in front of the kids with this talk either. I am so glad I didn't give in last night and I feel like I will get through this in time. I just have to stay busy and keep letting go! Thanks for all the comments. I know he is sick and I have no control. I read all the slogans on my Al-anon wall a dozen times last night and did dishes and read a great book my sponsor wrote. I am going to go on a walk now and probably have a cry and just try to shake it off. I hate going through this divorce especially when he has the girls and I am alone and feel alone. I am getting better, but I can't wait until July 19 the final hearing for our divorce and I will feel free of him. I used to bottle it all in, but now I cry and cry. Sometimes it is so cleansing on my knees I cry and ask God to meet me right where I am! I am going to go enjoy my evening walk now thanks so much for all teh support!!!! My sponsor is recuperating from major surgery and I live in a small town and I wouldn't feel comfortable calling the other 3 people in our group, so thanks so much MIP people!!!

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