My son and I are living far from our usual home right now and my exAH -- my son's dad -- has come to visit our son for ten days.  He is staying with us.  He is a binge drinker who goes for long periods sober or at least appearing so, so I knew the chances were good that he wouldn't be actively drunk while he was here.  But I was ready with a back-up plan just in case.

Though sometimes I think about how far I have to go to get to a place of real serenity, having my exAH here has made me aware of how much the program has helped me already.  I can see the exAH with new eyes, and I'm seeing that he has a lot of other compulsive/addictive behaviors.  For instance, he has various medical conditions that mean he shouldn't eat various things, but he not only eats them, he goes on binges.  In the past, realizing this would have made me put my Boss hat on and lecture him and try to get him to stop.  Now I'm saying to myself: I didn't Cause it, I can't Control it, I can't Cure it.  I feel anxiety that he's endangering his health and he won't be around to watch our son grow into an adult.  That's true, and it's terrible, but I realize I have no control over it.  A big step forward! 

Of course he also does a ton of things that rub me the wrong way, like anyone you've fallen out with.  I am telling myself "Don't React" a lot.  In the past I definitely would have tried to control all his annoying habits.  And basically he's pretty much a shambles.  But I'm detaching.  I snapped at him once, but then I went in my room and calmed down and looked at my part in it, and I got back into my serenity.  Boy, this is a huge step for me.  So the visit has been pretty peaceable.  I'm sad that he hasn't found recovery, but I'm trying to look at the bright side.  He's still alive and he cares enough about his son to come from a long way away.  He's the same person he always was.  And I've changed for the better.  What a difference that makes.