If you really want to do what is best for you daughter with this family and progessive disease, is you have to be willing to allow her to suffer the consequences of her action and choices.  We who love A's (addicts, alcoholics) see their pain and are always trying to help, fix, rescue them from the problems they create.  We give in bc we love them so much, even when they are abusing us in the process.  This is not respectful, loving and honorable to the self.  I lived like a martyr until I was 36 years old and surrendered what i was doing in the family dynamic.  We who worry and clean up for them, make things nice, be that soft place to land -- are doing them a huge disservice.  Love alone does not cure addiction, if that were the case, none of us would be here.

We are codependent enalbers.  We enalbe them when we care more about thier problem, than they do.  They are sacrificing themselves for thier compulsion, and we sacrifice us for them -- it does not work.

If you want her to change, the people around her must change and stop being manipulating and manipulate-able.   Love does not flow in control, coersion or force.  The truth is our lives are a mere consequence of the choices we make.  If we clean it up for them, lie, make it "appear" better for them (and appearances), they only continue to get the message that we do not have faith or resepct in their to learn to tend to their own needs, face the consequences of their choices.  When we jump in, we prove we dont have boundaries, dignity or resepct that they can and will face thier own issues and problems.  The more we try to convince them, the less interested they are in looking at it within themselves bc they are "distracted" by the drama and are in a fight with us.

They must face their issue, in their own heads, we cannot feel and think it for them, in fact that only creates a ton of resentments on both sides.  Know also that at 22, she is an adult, you did your job getting her healthily to adult hood.  She is not your baby anymore, she is an adult that will continue to need to be rescued, as long as you are willing to enable.  So many moms feel guilty and "give in", I know my mom wanted to spoil me on occassions and when things are handed to us, we do not value them. 

Run, dont walk to alnaon and talk, share, listen and learn all you can about this insidious disease and share when you are ready.  Pick up all of the pamphlets you can at the mtg and take some phone numbers, so you can reach out to other members in your area.  find a member that has the serentiy you want also, and get that sponsor (program mentor that guides you along in the program) to confide in.  None of us can do this work alone, it is very possible to find peace and serentiy, it all hinges on us being honest and willing to change what we can.  Weclome and I hope you stay for the miracles alanon has to offer you and subsequently your family.  When we are in a better place, it allows others to consdier changing as well.  There is a lot of hope, take your time in making decisions, make sure you are ready to stand by what you say, if not dont rush or push yourself... take it one day at a time.

It took me a few years to learn this here and I will share it with you now:   Love does not mean that we have to agree with their choices, we can love and support them (emotionally) and not agree or validate their choices.  Take the approval out of it, seperate her from the disease and you will begin to see both more clearly.