SOS, what do i do? - Al-Anon Family Group

jocelgp · Senior Member

SOS, what do i do?

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Jocel

I am not sure if your husband knows that you do not want to be with him when he is drinking. If so then it would be easy to explain that you will not attend and will stay with your principle of not being around drinking. If he does not know that you are uncomfortable, maybe you can explain how you feel, and if it is that important for you to be there., then you might be able to suggest that you will be able to attend the gathering for an hour and then leave and see if hat works for you .

Good Luck Please try to make alanon face to face meetings so that you can break the isolation and learn new constructive tools to deal with this issue.

-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 27th of April 2011 09:35:03 PM

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

My experience was I stayed home. I had no desire to watch the A poison himself. I had gone before and was humiliated by his diseased behavior.

For me, I won't put myself in toxic situations. It just killed me to see the cool man I loved be so retarded in his actions. He even walked strange. Just chose not to see him that way.

Also I have more respect for myself. "To Thine Own Self Be True!"

love,deb

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

I went only because I was so isolated, remembering that your not responsible for husbs behavior , hes gonna drink dont watch visit with your friends and let go ... take two vehicles if you can and leave if you get uncomfortable that worked well for me . If it really is not fun for you , you have a right to say no .

Ness · ~*Service Worker*~

As Betty says, if your husband doesnt know your reason for not wanting to go.....tell him, if you feel you can.....

In Alanon we learn to start the sentence with I.....rather than YOU (pointy finger)!!

Say what you mean, mean what you say & dont say it mean!!

I sometimes place my decisions on an imaginary set of scales! Weigh them up.....if I feel the consequences of not doing something will be more stressful than doing it then I base my decision on what is best FOR ME....(and I always try to have have a plan B)

Think about your needs, your health, your serenity first.

In support

Ness

Katy · ~*Service Worker*~

You have choices, and also your husband has an obligation to you too and your feelings, although I needed to be reminded of that, still do, think very carefully about that obligation, it's worrying you lot's, but do you think those people that you are worrying about are worrying about you? We have a habit of bigging things up, out of all proportion, before alanon I would always feel I had to go with hubbie everywhere, to drive him to watch out for him to get him home safely, he did what ever he was going to do regardless of me, when I learn I had choices, I chose not to attend lot's of things with him, and I explained why, it was very hard at first it was seemingly going against everything I really wanted, the other thing I had to learn not to do too was? if he went out without me and I was home alone,I tried not to obsess about what he's doing, what state he would arrive home in, I used to drive myself nuts with worry and fear, when he would eventually come home a live and well, relief would overwhelm me then I would become angry, angry we couldn't go out as a couple like normal people,angry he made me feel like this, and all this served to do would be to make a bad situation worse, and now, what ever I am feeling I try to keep it inside, jeez thats hard but when I can and do, more often than not things stay calm, and I feel much better about me!

takecare

Katy

x

Katy · ~*Service Worker*~

Whoops what I meant to say was I try to keep my feelings about what I feel he is doing, to myself and I have learnt to bring it here, Thats been a very big help to me to learn to do that, thankgoodness for Alanon, we become so isolated so that they and it the drinking, keeps us defenceless.

Katy

member922 · Senior Member

You said you don't feel like going.

Why do you feel socially obligated?

Do what is best for you. Are the consequences of not going really that bad?

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

I always ask myself one question on any circumstance for which I am puzzled : Is it in MY best interest?

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{To Thine Own Self Be True}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.