The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been home now for two weeks and I returned home to empty promises which I know is my own fault. After all, nothing changes if nothing changes. The honeymoon period has already ended and I have watched my husband rant and rave on a couple of occasions about whatever injustice he seems to think has been done against him. His alcoholism seems to have escalated and he has also been using cocaine. My husband also is very mentally ill due to his childhood and from years of drug and alcohol abuse. When I first came home I already found myself searching the house looking for evidence of his cocaine use. It didn't take me long to realize that I was falling back into the same old pattern as before. Putting all the focus on what he was doing. Trying to control him and the situation. I listened to my husband rant and rave for hours Sunday night about how no one cared about him, how he didn't have a chance in life, how everyone thought he was nothing but a drunk and a drug addict, blah, blah, blah. I almost let myself take these things personal but because of Al-Anon I can recongnize this as being part of the disease. Sometimes I can have compassion. Sometimes not. I know that my husband is very ill. It was like I had a lightbulb moment. I have insurance that will partially cover rehab if he wants to go. My insurance allows him to go and see a psychiatrist for $25 if he chooses. I am not his savior! I can't save him! He has these resources and he chooses not to use them! He knows that there are AA meetings all over town. I can't make him go!
I am now putting the focus back on me. I am walking. I am reading Al-Anon literature, I am taking measures to save money to take care of me because if I don't take care of me no one else will. I am looking into maybe going back to college part-time. I am trying to live one day at a time. I am not going to let what my A is doing take away from my joy anymore. I am going to take back my life! I don't want to use my A as an excuse anymore for me not reaching the goals I have set for myself.
Hi Julie I've been thinking about you and wondering how it was going since u went back. Sorry to here its as bad, if not worse than ever. I think you're on the right track now. Do some groundwork and figure out what you need to do for yourself--whether you stay or you go. I know it is so hard and he is so sick right now. It's hard not to listen and be compassionate, thats who we are and what we do----but I think that if it is not reciprocal (which it never is in these situations) we should be getting pay as therapists! right? take care and good luck with whatever you decide to do. Your HP is really there with you (and with him too, believe it or not) Jeanne
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
