The material presented
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Hello All, I've been lurking on your board for about a week or so, reading, learning, and trying to soak up all the new information. I have started several posts just to delete them. I honestly dont know what to say. I haven't been to a meeting yet. I planned to go last wednesday but chickened out. Im terrified of meeting new people, not fitting in, being judged. I want so bad to start getting help, I just dont know where to start.
i am new here myself and do not feel qualified to give advice...but i attended my first meeting last night. like you, i was scared. i didn't know what to expect. i was embarassed that people would "know" i had a problem.
let me just say that from the very instant i opened the door, someone welcomed me. with words and attitude. not once did i feel judged. i was not shy (and i normally am). i felt accepted and UNDERSTOOD.
please try to overcome your feelings - because i walked out of that meeting last night feeling better and more encouraged than i have in a VERY long time.
Wow!! and welcome Mixie. For myself I believe that you got the very best that could be given to you from Georgia. She had the fears that you now have and now she doesn't have them. You're gonna find alot of people in the rooms just like yourself and at first the only requirement you hold yourself to is an open mind so that you can hear and learn things so very opposite to how you have been reacting up till now. Wow!! a newcomer coming to the aid of a newcomer. This is why this forum is called Miracles in Progress.
I'm sure that you will find the rooms more inviting and helpful than I first did and the only reason I didn't was because I was the problem and didn't know it then.
Keep coming back here and let us know how it went/goes with you. In support with the rest of MIP. (((((hugs)))))
I know exactly how you feel. Going to a face to face meeting your first time is scary. It was for me too. But it was the last house on the block for me. I really had no other options. I didn't raise my hand to say I was a newcomer in the meeting because I was too afraid to 'put myself out there" I didn't want to be recognized, acknowledged, or even talk. I just wanted to listen, more like fade into the background and become invisible. Many people have been where you are. Think about contacting your local alanon information center. Usually you can find them online or in a phone book. They have a list of meetings in your area and will give them to you over the phone. Give it a shot, you can do it.
Georgia, thanks for sharing your experience on last night's meeting. It is so valuable to others that are new to this board as well as those of us that have been around. It is so fresh in my memory what my first meeting was like. Thanks for passing it on.
Georgia - Thank you for sharing your experiences, it makes me feel better to think that no one is going to stare at me and make me feel outside of the group. I think my biggest fear is that Al-anon is not what I think it is and I will be put on the spot. Like the time I went to chemistry class and found out halfway through i had gotten the room number wrong and was sitting through an education class. I sat through the entire thing and pretended to take notes. haha.
When I walked into my first meeting in January, I was battling a terrible cold, coughing and hacking through the entire meeting, not to mention the emotional distress I was in. Instead of being annoyed by my coughing fits and tears, all the members stopped (it was a small meeting) and showed me where to get a cup of water. They held my hand. They showed me books. They handed me pamphlets. They gave me huge hugs at the end of the meeting, not afraid of my cold germs or the alcoholism in my life.
I knew I was in the right place. When I first opened the door to the meeting, I cautiously said, "Am I in the right place?" and I heard an enthusiastic, "Yes, you are."
I smile now when a newcomer comes in the door because each of them says the same thing: "Am I in the right place?" And each of them is greeted with warmth and love and respect.
And when I mentioned the alcoholic smell, they all knew exactly what I meant.
-- Edited by Very Very Tired on Tuesday 26th of April 2011 04:39:57 PM
My first meeting......I turned the door knob with shaking hands, went inside, and my shaking hands were shaken in welcome. I sat, listened, and sobbed.... tissues were quietly handed to me and hugs were given at the end. I said nothing apart from my name, went home and slept for 12 hours solid....first time in 2 years!
Twenty-odd years ago, I adamantly refused to go to a meeting. I didn't have time, I could handle things on my own just fine, blah blah. I had finished an outpatient ACoA treatment program, and one of the requirements of the 12 week aftercare program was to attend one meeting a week -- I got expelled from aftercare for noncompliance. (This is pretty funny, because I'm normally very cooperative and compliant!)
Five-ish years ago, I was in a disastrous relationship with a recovering alcoholic man and actually went so far as to download the local meeting list. Picked the meeting I was going to attend... and didn't.
I didn't make it through the doors of Al-Anon until January 2010. I was in yet another disastrous relationship with a recovering A. I KNEW I needed help and figured I was beyond hope at that point -- figured I was doomed to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Al-Anon was my last effort to get myself off the hamster wheel. And, yes, I went to the same meeting I'd picked out before.
I walked in, was greeted with warm smiles, and made to feel very welcome. After a few minutes I was mentally shaking my head, wondering What had I been so afraid of??
I can't even say I walked in there with an open mind, because my attitude was more one of "Well, this can't hurt" but I've been going back faithfully ever since. Enough of my mind was open to take in something that made me feel better. And they even told me that I didn't have to swallow it all wholesale, I could take what I liked and leave the rest -- how non-threatening is that? Lol.
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
Hi Mixie and welcome....I got my self lost (in retrospect intentionally) so I missed the first meeting I was heading to attend...:) I had the same feelings and I finally made it the next week and was so happy I did. I hope you give it a try..I had to laugh when I read about your chemistry class lol....reminded me of a long time friends brother who had passed and I was sitting in the church last week for the service at 9...looking around I figured out I knew absolutely no one and no one looked familiar ...humm..after about ten minutes it dawned on me, oh my god were am I and who are these people. lol..worst part was it was not a large gathering :)
Hi Mixie, I wanted to say hello and welcome. I talked myself out of going to meetings for a long time, but taking a deep breathe and getting myself there was the best thing I have ever done to take care of myself. It has taken me a long time to be willing to make myself vulnerable and to ask for help, but I am so glad that I have. I lurked here on the board for a good while before finally plucking up the courage to tell people how I was feeling, but the welcome and warmth I've received has been overwhelming. In face to face meetings too, I've found support, friendship, and kindness, plus all the information I needed to be able to start changing my life. I cried each time I opened my mouth for months, but even when I was crying I was supported and respected by the group. I can really relate to your feelings in your post, and wanted you to know that I have been incredibly shy since I was about 13. Putting myself "out there" has always felt like a very painful thing to do, but the encouragement i receive in meetings and here at MIP means that each time I tell how I'm feeling and what I'm struggling with, it gets easier to do it, and as it gets easier, I'm able to let go of some of the fear each time. Take care, Freya
Just seeing the many wonderful comments on this site I know I will be OK at the meeting. although I am ashamed to say I didn't make last Wednesdays meeting again. this time it was just a matter of loosing track of time. I had been saying all day "OK - the meeting is tonight at 7:15" and telling my family "no, I cant do that I have an Al-anon meeting tonight" then looked up at the clock and saw it was 9:30. So I'm going to the next one. I chose a meeting in a small town close to mine instead of the bigger city groups cause i don't think i can handle a lot of people. But for those who have been to meetings before, will i be very out of place if it is my mother that has the alcohol problem? Ive noticed almost everyone else has a husband/boyfriend/wife/fiance with the problem. But I don't think i belong in the adult children of alcoholics group because she really didn't start drinking till i was 19. I guess that is what I'm most afraid of. that Al-anon is not for me.
You may have heard about the 12 steps in Alanon but few people are aware of the 12 traditions of Alanon. Part of tradition three reads: ...the only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. So yes, Alanon would fit what you described. There are children of alcoholic parents there as well as spouses, and parents. Give it a try six times before making a final decision. If you can, do try the larger group at least once and pass when it comes to your time to share.
When I was having a hard time getting to meetings, I would often say, God, you know I need a meeting. Please help me get there.
