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I broke down this weekend and wished my ah a happy easter. We met at a neutral spot and had a really nice time with our daughter.
He snooped through my phone and looked at a phone call made to me by this a friend of mine who is a guy.
Since I am a terrible liar, I told him that I went with him one evening to get out of the house. It was that simple. He never tried anything, and neither did I.He has been thru a terrible divorce. I made it clear to him that I was in no position to start a relationship. He just told me that he hadn't heard a woman chatter in a while, and would be nice to talk.
Now my ah is sending me messages and i have had to block his number. He has called me from someone elses phone. I am rejecting the calls.
He says I am stupid and crazy. I know it was wrong for me to go out while I am still married. He says I cheated on him the minute I decided to get in the truck with him. I told him he cheats on me everytime he uses.
He doesn't call for months and this is what makes him call?
I had the chance to snoop on his phone and I did not. I am so tired of going around in circles with him.
I'm just thankful that my daughter got to see her daddy, she was soo happy to see him. Even if I had to put up with a bunch of bs.
I am in panic mode. I am truly realizing how he pushes so hard to do this crazymaking behavior and of course he never does anything wrong. He swears he has been sitting around wating for me to come to my senses and all along I have been out cheating on him and moving on. He acts so innocent. He tells me I am judgemental, which I have been, he says that I act like I am perfect.
Sometimes I wonder if he is truly happy for my accomplishments or is very uncomfortable because I am doing better.
He says he is going into some sort of treatment. When I asked what was going on, he said it was none of my business, which is true.
Maybe he is going to jail. Who knows? He keeps saying that I don't know him and that if I did then I would know that he would never cheat on me.
I have never trusted him. He stayed gone all day while we were together, and mostly part of the night. He was always getting high. It just sets me reeling because I have no idea what he does when he is out there.
He acts like I'm his personal piece of property. His wife, he can look thru my cell phone. The problem is his, not mine. -- Edited by kath on Monday 25th of April 2011 06:58:45 PM
-- Edited by kath on Monday 25th of April 2011 07:14:26 PM
-- Edited by kath on Monday 25th of April 2011 07:19:13 PM
I can totally relate to you. My AH hangs out at bars chatting with woman all the time, we have been seperated for a year, but I have hung out with him intermittently to my own demise. I filed in February and it won't be final until July. I hung out with a guy a few times and the guy was interested, but I just liked the attention and I kep it casual. He hears about it and flips out on me. I stop hanging out with the guy and reattach into the chaos. I have since dettached and learned my lesson again, but we share 2 kids and I have to see him too much. Sounds like you are being strong, good for you!!!
__________________
God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
I'm not quite clear on why you're in panic mode? Are you thinking that you need to convince him that you didn't cheat?
You say, "I know it was wrong for me to go out while I am still married." I'm sure many people will have many views, but it sounds to me as if you're separated and you went out for a companionable time with a male friend, maybe just for some company, maybe to remind yourself that not all men are addicts or accusatory or difficult. That sounds life-affirming to me. Some people would say that you were free to be more intimate, some people would say you're not; but anyway you weren't intimate with him. Alcoholics like us to be the ones who are to blame for things -- we don't have to accept the blame. Sometimes it's even good to remember the saying, "What other people think of you is none of your business."
I used to have the fantasy that I could be back in touch with my ex-AH without falling into the same bad dynamics and problems we had when we were together. His secrecy, the disagreements, the crazy-making behavior, all of it ... it always came back. It took me a long time of seeing how close we could be to realize that the answer is "detached."
I hope you can keep on taking good care of yourself. Hugs.
I am in panic mode because it scares me that he acts so crazy. It scares me that I could act so crazy when I'm around him. It bothers me that he would look at my phone. It scares me because he gets high and thinks he has a hold on me. I just pray for protection.
I just so desperately miss the person he is when he is not high. I miss him so very much. I miss my friend, my husband, the father of my child, and the man that I know he can be.
Do you have a copy of the book Getting them Sober. I think that might help with the coming to terms with the alcoholic's behavior.
I certainly did my share of screaming, crying, ranting and not exactly being the candidate for mental health. No one is perfect.
The ex A was extremely possessive of me. He wanted me isolated and resented any friendships I had. He certainly absolutely resented and loathed that I was in al anon.
Trying to make sense of their behavior is pretty tough stuff. There isn't much logic in there.
Getting them Sober is offered free by one of our members and I would highly recommend it. I found the book leveled the expectations for me.
