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Hi and thanks for your post :) You have been married to a man who was in treatment 8 years ago, who you have known for 3 and says he hasnt drank since then. The odd thing about your post is that he has been saying "he would like it if you both had a drink now and then"...thats just odd to me. As far as is it possible he could be putting something in your drink, guess anything is possible...I think whats important here is that you said you feel drunk and you did'nt drink, I would sure pay attention to what you know you felt. You didnt feel like that out of no where, there had to be a reason...
I hate to jump to conclusions here, but I see the same red flag - if he is sober for 8 years, and now is advocating that he wants to be able to have a drink together = ugh....
There is a reason that the #1 drink of choice for alcoholics is vodka - less smell, less obvious than other forms....
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I think what Tom is suggesting and what I have also heard is that vodka can have no taste or smell. Especially if it's in a drink that already has a strong taste (for instance orange juice).
If this is indeed happening, this is a serious thing, because you don't want to be driving if something has made you tipsy. It also would mean that your husband is pretty far down the road of secrecy and sneakiness that alcoholics tend to go down. Normally Al-Anon does not suggest that there's anything to be gained by snooping on the alcoholic, but in this case I would want to be sure that my drinks were safe. I guess what I would do is notice whenever I felt that tipsy feeling -- maybe write it down if there's someplace your husband won't find it -- and then recall what you drank beforehand, where it came from (an unopened bottle of pop? or did your husband open a bottle of something and pour the drinks out of your sight? etc.), and add up the evidence. It sounds bizarre but I have read of stranger things happening.
Whether or not he is monkeying with the drinks, if he seems drunk to you, that's something to pay attention to. I only started noticing my husband being drunk when he couldn't hide it any longer -- it turns out it was only the tip of the iceberg. As you may know, if he's drinking, there's nothing you can do to control it. Sadly. Talking to him, reasoning, threatening, explaining -- none of these things make any difference to the distorted thinking of an alcoholic. And their denial is so enormous that they deny to themselves as well as us, so asking them to admit it is fruitless. But if he is drinking, you can get support and your own recovery and the return of your serenity in Al-Anon meetings. I hope you can find some local ones. There are online ones here but nothing beats local support. Also we are always here for you. Keep taking good care of yourself.
Aloha Torry...your tipsy is your tipsy and you have to go check that out. I've got to make an appt. with my MD for the same reason rather than keep having suspicions regarding inner ear or eye problems or whatever. It's my responsibility. If the man you are married to acknowledges that he is alcoholic and went thru treatment 8 years ago and wishing kinda/sorta you both could have a bit of a drink like "normal" people ask him to tell you what it was like when he was drinking, what he found out and why and how he keeps himself sober today. He get's "tipsy" at times...go get it checked out cause that might be many other things causing it outside of alcohol. A blood test is a good procedure and the one I will opt for.
Alcoholism is progressive...It always gets worse never better. If he tells you "his" story about how bad it got remember that if he returns to it it will be much worse in a short period of time. They call the disease and progression a "sleeping tiger" when it wakes up it is hungry and anxious and will want to eat...especially all the food it missed what it was sleeping.
Go look up the hotline number for the Al-Anon (family groups) in your area and find out where and when the face to face meetings are and come get your seat amongst us and find out what we've be thru and how it is now.
Glad you found MIP...this forum and family is awesome. ((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Monday 25th of April 2011 08:24:53 PM
My EMT brain went a different direction - do an internet search for "carbon monoxide poisoning drunk" - something to consider. Are you always in the same house/place when you feel tipsy?
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
My first suggestion would be to not drink anything you dont pour yourself and if you leave the room take it with you ,that bit of advice was given to me when i first left home . I would hate to think that your husb would do that but do find his discussing how he wished you could both have a drink occasionally strange. Alcoholics know that they cannot have a drink ever , its all or nothing . take care of you .
I find it suspicious that an A in recovery 8 years is even thinking and/or talking about alcohol, sounds like the obsession is active whether the drinking is active, or not.
Me?........I would go for a blood test , control the things I can.
I hate to say this but there is a reason Alcoholism is called cunning baffling and powerful. An alcoholic is cunning, baffling and ingenious in hiding alcohol.
I used to spend all day trying to work out what the now Ex A was doing. I never did. That was part of his disease the desire to keep me off balance.
I have had to learn to focus on me. If I am over reacting to something there is probably something there. I have just had to learn how can I take care of me in the situation. For me the answer after living with an alcoholic for 7 years was to leave and eventually cut off all contact with him.
There are people here who live successfully with an alcoholic. They are able to stay. They are able to detach, have their own life and not be destroyed by the process. What was the most self destructive for me was the obsessing, what was he doing, when would the next crisis hit? What was coming next. That sense of impending doom was absolutely devastating.
I understand now too that Guilt was a huge motivator for me. Guilt was behind the "I have to". I felt so absolutely unloveable that I felt I had to "make" the ex A love me. Stopping the guilt was a huge part of my recovery.
You are in the right place being here. Al anon can and does help.
The focus has to be on you and not on him and whatever he does, whatever he drinks however he behaves. I had to recover myself back from the obsession and then I could have clarity, peace and self preservation. I had none before.
