The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night, for my bedtime reading, I turned to the Big Book and read the chapter on "Acceptance was the Answer."
I was struck by this quote: "When I stopped living in the problem and began living in the answer, the problem went away." (p.417)
The lightbulb went off in the dark night. I have been living the problem: the problem of my AH's drinking, the problem of his infidelities, the problem of his anger, the problem of my resentments and anger, the problem of my co-dependency.
It is time for me to live in the answer, to live my life, to build and shape me into the healthy form I want to be.
During times of intense conflict with AH, a thought has popped into my head, placed there by good ol' HP: Be the solution, not the problem.
Just for today I will live the answer. I will be the solution.
So, so true! When I stopped focusing on what *they* were doing and started focusing instead on what I was going to do to get better, I got better. When I got busy, I got better. :)
I know for me, "I" am never the solution, hehe. The problem is Me.
I do hope you are working with a sponsor because I can sometimes misunderstand things. In early program, I pointed my finger constantly at my husband, EVERYTHING was all his fault. Some time after the divorce, after I had done my inventory work, I realized I needed to make amends to him, I had to apologize for holding him responsible for everything that went wrong. Today, I am grateful that we have an amicable relationship. We have both released each other from our misery in the past. Today, I am free. I am nobody's victim. He has perhaps been my most important teacher, I am grateful for his role in my life today.
I hope you find a sponsor before you make any major decisions in your life, I couldn't have done this without her guidance. In recovery, my goal is to get out of my self and my own forced solutions. I can't do it on my own... a sick mind cannot cure a sick mind.
Don't misunderstand sweetie, I don't know how you tolerate infidelity.. I don't know if I could do it. If my husband was unfaithful, I was certainly unaware of it. But I am eternally grateful that I eventually learned to live my life without reacting. When I am with my Higher power, I can do what I need to do without fear. Trust and calm in the storm, I don't have to do "crazy" anymore.
No regrets, here, for taking the suggestions of those who knew better than me. ((big hugs))
-- Edited by glad lee on Monday 25th of April 2011 09:27:13 AM
-- Edited by glad lee on Monday 25th of April 2011 09:28:53 AM
-- Edited by glad lee on Monday 25th of April 2011 07:00:19 PM
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
The writer of that marvelous piece of "wake up" information was Dr. Paul and for me any growth on or within the subject of "acceptance" is well worth the work. Glad you were led to that page and that it had it's spiritual affect on you. Your HP is really talking to you now....Listen, lisiten, listen then practice, practice, practice... a big YAY going out your way. (((((hugs)))))
