The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Every so often I can look at a situation I handled and revel in the fact I did it differently. Now as each holiday passes, I am replacing bad memories with good. Toward the end of my marriage, there were many times when my exAH would choose not to come to a family function. Sometimes he stated illness or fatigue, but most often was that he had to work. I never took the news easily and worked hard to convince, juggle or trick him into going. I'd make up excuses as to why he wasn't there. Inevitably, I would bring him home a big plate of food for him to enjoy.
Well, today my 17 year old son decided he did not want to be involved in the family Easter gathering with my family. When if he asked if he had to go, I was able to easily tell him it was his choice. When he listed the reasons why he couldnt go (one being that he didn't know ahead of time ?), I was able to say it was fine. I really was able to go without guilt, regret or anger. So many times in the the past, my ex would attend and be miserable, holed up alone with the tv or sleeping. I'd spend the day excusing him or nagging him to socialize. Thus, complying with my son's wishes of not attending assured me a relaxed day.
So, about 7:30 tonight I got a text from my son asking what was for dinner. I told him we had ribs He then asked me to bring him some. In return, I told him we were at the other relatives house, and that there were chicken nuggets in the freezer. This response from me came with no guilt, nor any desire at all to make sure my son got dinner.
It took me until tonight when I was reflecting on my day, to realize what a different day I had. My exAH's behavior was replaced by my son's, and I didn't take the bait. My responses to my son were automatic and easy. As a result, me and my other 2 kids had a beautiful day. I'm getting it...
Blessings,
Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
My AHsober would miss many functions because of work read workaholic read playing computer games instead of working. I took it personal, I got upset. Now, I have chosen not to go to his family functions. When we were together, he would ignore me or not invite me. He was always welcomed at my family functions. He would fuss but end up enjoying them more then anyone. Now, he choses not to go because "he is not part of my family any more".
Oh Lou...he sure shoulda gone with you...hmmmm chicken nuggets vs ribs? No brainer, and then hindsight is 20/20 huh. Dang not a good memory for his journey me thinks. Chicken nuggets ain't even close to being food!! ((((hugs)))) LOL
He then asked me to bring him some. In return, I told him we were at the other relatives house, and that there were chicken nuggets in the freezer. This response from me came with no guilt, nor any desire at all to make sure my son got dinner. 