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i drank too heavy several times when i was 18-22, i stopped because the hangovers just weren't worth it. eee-yecch. i've been a "sipper" during social events or holidays ever since. in my home, i've had good wine and brandy to cook with, and i've had mead because i usually enjoy it with a friend on holidays.
when i was with my ex-bfA, he asked that i not drink at all, for his sake, though i could keep it in cabinets (i.e. not the top shelf of the fridge). at the time, that didn't seem like a problem, drinking wasn't something i needed. now i wonder ... if an A is clean-n-sober, do other people have to keep their alcohol out of sight?
after the break-up with my ex-bfA, i felt like throwing those bottles out! then i caught myself, "whoa, i'm not the one with the problem with alcohol." yet it still feels "taboo" to have them around.
last week, one of my online friends said, "have a little red wine with dinner, it'll relax you, it's healthy for women in their 40s." i've heard this for years, even from my doctors. (yeah but, doctors used to tell people cigarettes were healthy!) when she said that to me i literally recoiled, completely revulsed by the idea. i immediately thought "if i ever drink alone in the house, i'll be an alcoholic."
this is something i haven't heard addressed yet through Al-Anon. is it normal to be so aware of the problems of the alcoholic that you fear becoming one yourself? if i drink some mead alone in my home, am i heading down that path? do i have to avoid alcohol forever?
Great question! I look forward to hearing people's experiences with this because it's something I kind of go back and forth with.
At first my AH asked me not to drink in front of him (I'm a glass of wine with dinner kind of girl) and that's fine with me. In the past I would have a bottle of wine sitting around or very rarely a bottle of rum in the summer but now I don't feel right about that. I know having alchohol on the house won't cause my AH to drink, he could easily drive to the store, right? I really just do it out of respect to him and his recovery. If we go out, like last night his band played at a club, I know I could have a few beers if I feel like it. After the first month or so when he felt a little stronger he said it wouldn't bother him, but I feel better about not drinking when I'm with him. That's just me.
As far as feeling like I may become an alchoholic myself, I don't have that fear at all. I'm pretty sure just drinking alone will not turn you into an A.
I've seen so much of what alcohol can do that I'm wary of having it around at all. I know that it can make people think they don't have drinking problems when they do -- so how do I know I'll be an exception? Plus I already know I have addictive tendencies -- so far my addiction has been codependency, but we've all seen people exchange one addiction for another. I don't want to trade my codependency in for alcoholism (or have them both at once -- even worse! LOL.)
From what I've seen, the world as a whole is too complacent about the risks of alcohol. I don't want my son to think casual drinking is the norm. I do drink when I go over to friends' and they have wine with dinner, though I have mixed feelings about my son seeing even that. I know he has a good chance of having inherited the predisposition to be too fond of alcohol. My own personal feeling about drinking alone is the thing a recovering alcohol said to herself: "If I'm an alcoholic, I shouldn't. If I'm not an alcoholic, there's no need to." Just my views.
Scared is a good attitude...keeps me alert. alcohol almost took my life on several occasions and that was from overdose or toxic shock. I didn't stop there it helped that my Al-Anon sponsor strongly suggested I get away from all things alcohol which was pretty much most of my atmosphere. Fast forward in recovery I am at the simple truth that alcohol is a mind and mood altering chemical...not a food source or a health support system. That's for me and I learned it from many other sources including my own experiences, family of origin and college and other stuff. I respect the disease of alcoholism for being truely cunning, powerful and baffling and that I've never been able to cause it, control it or cure it. Just for me. I'm fine without wine and choose no booze. (((((hugs)))))
I think anyone who's been involved with an a has a heightened sense of awareness regarding alcohol and the problems it may cause. Since ah admiitted he has a problem we don't keep alcohol around the house and I don't drink in front of him anymore. When he was out of town for a week I had some wine in the house and would have a glass with dinner or in the evening while sitting out on the deck relaxing. It was a nice treat, but just that. I don't have to have it, but I enjoy it on occasion.
Fortunately, I never acquired a test for any alcohol. I never liked the taste of fruit juices, either. I "eat" fruit and dislike drinking fruit juice of any kind. So I know I'll never have a personal problem with alcohol.
However, I'm scared to death of people who drink that I do not know. Here's an example: I was standing in a grocery store line, waiting to pay for my items, when the clerk needed to change her register tape (time-consuming task for this particular clerk). So being friendly, I turn to the person standing in back of me, which happened to be a man about my age. In a very non-flirtatious way, we began to talk about things to pass the time. I was enjoying our conversation when all of a sudden I look down and see that the only thing that he was purchasing was a case of beer.
My reaction disturbed me. I abruptly cut our conversation off and turned around. I can't even remember who was talking at the time. On the drive home, I pondered over why I was so rude to this man. I concluded that I assumed he was most likely an alcoholic, and it hit too close to home for me at the time.
I've been divorced for nearly a year. I don't entertain the thought of dating at all. For one thing, I feel I'm still not recovered enough to enter into another relationship. Plus, I need the time and space to develop a good relationship with myself. I don't need another to make myself complete or happy.
But, am I afriad of alcohol? Overall, yes! If I ever decide to enter into even a dating relationship with a man in the future, I sense that I would have a very difficult time trusting him IF he drinks, even ocassionally.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
With two alcoholic parents, I figure there's no way I could have escaped getting the predisposition gene so I avoid drinking. It's easy for me, I have no urge to keep alcohol in the house anyway.
Even when I was a wild 'n crazy teenager, I always had a healthy fear of alcohol and I can count the number of times I was "drunk" (by my yardstick, probably pretty mild compared to others' definition of drunk) on one hand. When I was 19 I worked briefly in a bar and the constant exposure to the antics of multiple drunks turned me off booze completely -- thereafter I had a drink maybe once or twice a year, on social occasions.
My tolerance to alcohol is so low, one glass of wine pretty much knocks me out. I met up with a girlfriend in NYC a few years ago and decided to have wine with her because it is part of her culture -- all I wanted to do was SLEEP. Kinda ruined our evening together because I was so dopey. On another occasion when I had a small amount of alcohol, it completely ruined my sleep, I kept waking up thoughout the night. I have enough problems with insomnia, I don't need to compound it.
I don't really like the taste of it, and I see absolutely no need or purpose for alcohol in my life. So it's no hardship for me to give it up.
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
Funny you would say that i had the same questions yesterday so I went on the A A website and checked I am not an alcoholic but we are so conditioned by it you are not sure anymore. drinking a glass of mead once in a while won't kill you but it's not the point is it?
I used to drink Chillable Red wine from the box, loved the taste, too much so that I would drink it like Koolaid in a big wine glass because I loved the way the glass feels in my hand - but, it made me not remember what I'd done the night before (usually nothing because I'm not a party animal) but I didn't like not remembering so I stopped buying it. Hence: I am not powerless over the urge to buy the wine, consume the wine, etc.; my life did not become unmanageable - i managed it. ( I also don't keep cookies on the table because i can't not pick one up.... )
I drive for pay and cannot, according to the rules of my job, consume any alcohol 8 hours before I drive - they do random tests, and I have no intention of risking the job, but more importantly, no burning desire to drink regardless of this restriction; after I'm done for the day (6:30 am-7:30 pm), I may have something because I like the quicker route to relaxation I achieve, then I fall asleep by 9 (I did say i was no party animal right?).
When I mow the lawn on a hot day - man that cold beer sure hits the spot.
When I made him move out this last time, I decided I needed to explore my own drinking habits and figure out for myself if I have a drinking problem as he claims - I've explored some hard liquors, )I like brandy with caffeine-free diet cola with a shot of sugar-free vanilla coffee flavoring), I tried a few other wines (bottles, not boxes, ha ha) but they usually give me a headache the next day without overindulging; I like Bud-lite Lime and Miller Chill; and I'll drink Coors at my friends house because that's what they buy. But after a couple, I usually find myself done. There are occasions when I'll have more - when I can, when I'm not driving, when I'm not exhausted and the conversation is lively and the evening out feels good. I don't like being hungover, never really liked drinking that much - had a friend who could drink 5 BIG long-island Ice teas and not have any problem functioning the next day when one would have me struggling the next morning.
During one of our together times, my AH and I determined that it was a problem and we were going to not drink anymore, for 5-6 months we didn't and I stuck to it because I didn't want the fights that always came with it and it really isn't something I HAVE to have - he, of course, could not, and it was SO obvious when he did drink by the attitude and arguement that followed, usually leaving me scratching my head until I would figure out that he'd been drinking.
For me, the question am I powerless over alcohol and is my life unmanageable because of it can be answered with a no. So I'm not afraid of it, don't feel the need to not keep it in the house. I will, however, give it up completely if the time comes when my AH and I are able to have a life together because supporting him is more important. And, should we divorce because of the paths we have chosen, I will exercise more caution at the next relationship (egads I don't even want to consider another one of those at this point!)
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I seem to have been blessed so far in that I don't have the physical allergy to alcohol, but I still know that every time I choose to partake in having a drink, I feel like I'm playing Russian Roulette. I think of it in this term... if alcoholism is an allergy, then I think of other allergies people discover they have much later in their lives. It's like they remain dormant and then somehow they just activate.
Drinking is extreme high-risk behavior for me, which I why I really choose not to do it very often, and I really, REALLY do not like to entertain the idea of drinking alone and having booze available in my house.
Another thing I notice physically when I drink is that it feels like itchy, hot, tingly liquid coursing through my veins. I've made this observation to others who always seem surprised at this feeling I get, but that's really what it feels like to me when I have alcohol. And on top of it, my mind starts to feel muddied and I have a hard time thinking quickly. I get dehydrated and unless I'm doing something really active to burn it all off, like dancing, I start to feel extremely tired. Yes, I do get weird giddy feelings, too, but the cons just really outweigh the one little teensy "pro" of feeling giddy.
That's my take on it. Like everything else, Al-Anon for me is about learning to make adult decisions for myself based on knowledge, experience and the experiences and shared knowledge of others. There's no commandment written in stone in the Al-Anon texts that says that I should or should not drink.
