The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think.... read Jerry's response to the other sponsor question - it was perfect...... When you find somebody, ask them, and then listen....
The "how much time" is something that will be unique to every sponsor/sponsee relationship - you would work that out together, and the answer may well influence whether or not that person is a good fit for you or not....
The concern about "taking too much of their time" will hopefully not be an ongoing issue.... I have sponsored others, and had a sponsor, and for the most part, it is a blessing for BOTH people, and the sponsor gets a lot of good out of this as well...
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I think.... read Jerry's response to the other sponsor question - it was perfect...... When you find somebody, ask them, and then listen....
The "how much time" is something that will be unique to every sponsor/sponsee relationship - you would work that out together, and the answer may well influence whether or not that person is a good fit for you or not.... I figured that. But I was hoping there was some average time frame....................
The concern about "taking too much of their time" will hopefully not be an ongoing issue.... This concern of mine of taking too much time from another reflects a little issue I need to address. Oh, I'm so eager to come to the aide of another person, but when it's me needing the help, hmmmm..... am I worth it? That's the voice of old tapes, I know. I have sponsored others, and had a sponsor, and for the most part, it is a blessing for BOTH people, and the sponsor gets a lot of good out of this as well... Thanks for bringing this up! Just like at meetings - we all gain something when we share. Thanks Tom! Now to find that sponsor - patience, patience, patience
Take care
Tom
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
The other thought.... and one that typically puts BOTH of you possibly at ease..... is ask someone to be your temporary sponsor - quite often this feels less of a burden to both of you, and also allows both of you to kind of 'feel each other out', and you will likely know in short order whether or not it is a good fit or not....
To me, a good sponsor:
- holds me accountable
- is consistent, and not judgemental
- allows me the dignity to make my own choices
T
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Keep going to different meetings you will eventually meet the right person . when someone agrees to be a sponsor they are well aware of the time involved and will set boundaries for your relationship . Dont worry about taking up thier time if they were concerned they wouldnt stp forward and agree to sponsorship. Louise
Some of how much time it takes up depends on how much you are able to do on your own. Are you the type to need help and reassurance at every turn or one to work through things until you hit a snag, need advice on which direction to take, then go back to working it out for yourself? And can a few minutes on the phone suffice or do you need hours over coffee at the neighborhood diner?
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
My sponsor says that devoting time to others and helping others in their recovery is the only way you can give back what you've gotten out of the program. She says that her first sponsor helped her sooo much, and one day she asked her sponsor how she could ever repay her sponsor for all the time and attention. Her sponsor told her that paying it forward is the way to repay.
Eventually you can devote your time to helping someone else. That's how the program works. Your sponsor knows of the time commitment involved, and it helps her recovery as much as it helps yours.
I had to go through a couple of people before I found the right one. Tom had the qualities listed perfectly. The first one I had was too harsh for me. I was new to recovery and unfortunately it was their way or the highway. A part of it was me, I was just trying to find my way and needed a gentler hand at that point. I had another one (whom I didn't realize at the time) was far sicker than I was. She couldn't be there for me when I needed her. I found myself reaching out to other sponsors.
As I grew in recovery I my needs changed. I needed a sponsor who was willing to guide me with those changes. I sat down and asked myself what do I want from a sponsor? One of the big ones was I needed someone who had the capacity not to sugar coat things with and be 100% honest with me. I needed one who would kick my butt when I needed it the most and be patient and understanding at my darkest moments. I was lucky I found such a person.
Good luck in your search. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
