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I tend to give in and am seeing I am about to get ripped off in the divorce. I want the kids primary through the week and with him on the weekends, he wants 50/50 and no weekends is what he has gotten so far, so he can drink and party through the weekends and obviously he pays no child support. I am giving him the house with 20 acres because he took out a 2nd mortgage on it and has been for sale for 2 years I figure he will lose it before it sells. He doesn't help with anything for the kids and I get both my girls all their clothes, shoes and extra curricular things (registration fees, soccer clothes, etc) and I pay for daycare. I don't want to be a push over even through the divorce and just want to know what and how others went about this with their A's that they have divorced. I am putting my kids first through it all. I have found with God I am capable to live on my own and meet our needs! I am afraid that as I get stronger I may really have to fight harder because I have been such a push over through now.
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God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
Aloha F.... go see if you can find a Para-legal service. I've seen them help others in your situation in the past with much affordability. Only suggestion I can make is an old one that work for me...Make the process fair, honest and just. That's so your own spirit will come away from it feeling healthy. ((((hugs))))
My lawyer told me that as far as custody is concerned, the court will give preference to what has already been established. Thus, if it's the pattern that (for instance) you have the children every day, and he sees them in Thursday evenings, and that's been going on for six months or whatever, they will give that arrangement first consideration. The other thing I understand is that many arrangements start out 50/50 but the man comes to realize how much hard work kids are and over the years the amount of time he demands is reduced (not in court, but in practice). This is not to say that many dads are not devoted fathers -- just that it's a pattern that can happen. I would get all the legal advice you can -- it may make a big difference for years. Hugs.
I was on assistance briefly a few years ago and had a really good case worker - I wonder if you could engage any guidance from that area, they're certainly more experienced in that area? I called a lawyer's office and was told it would cost $100 for the first consultation - if you could do the same, call a few, find out what sort of charge they would ask, it might be worth it to consult one. Him wanting no weekends is not a 50/50 and I'm not sure child support wouldn't be required, I'm pretty sure its designed to make both households lean toward equality - so he's not living well and enticing kids with steak and fancy toys while you eat beans and buy second hand everything. I did my own divorce - the oregon child support calculator takes both spouses income, (assumes that each could make a minimum of a set amount), includes amount of time each parent spends and calculates who should pay what to whom. with no weekends i don't see how he can claim to have them 50% of the time.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
So I work 4 very part time jobs and still don't make enough to not be on assistance. He has the girls Sunday evening he gets 1 kid and I get 1 kid Monday-Wednesday he has them both, but I watch the lil 1 all day 1 of those so he can work, he usually tried to get me to take 1 or both Wednesday night because he wants to drink. Than Thursday I have them both through Sunday. He doesn't want to pay child support or maintanence and I told him he can have the house because I know he will eventually lose it. I will call around today and ask questions to see if I can meet a mediator by myself or get directions to whom to ask questions. He asked me the other day to give him money for my car insurance which is like $40 a month for liability on my car when I pay $500 a month for daycare. He is such an selfish dude and I am tired of getting ran over. I want to have my kids during the week and he on the weekends and am unsure how to do it before we have gotten to court.
__________________
God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
Best of luck in protecting yourself and your children.
__________________
I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
If he's drinking on the weekends now, he'll drink on the weekends while he has the kids -- that's something to think about. For instance, if he needs to drive them somewhere, he'll drive drunk. I've been through that. I hope you can find a mediator who's experienced with addiction and how to make sure the court recognizes the dangers. If I painted out an ideal situation for those circumstances, I'd have total custody with some visitation and a good amount of child support so you can afford the necessary childcare and don't have to rely on him to do it. I know things don't always turn out the way we want them, but those are things to think about. Of course he may well try to get more custody to avoid the child support, but needless to say that is not a good reason for wanting more custody. I hope you can find a good advisor in your area. Maybe someone at a local Al-Anon group will have been through this?
