The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Am I crazy for wanting a normal fit life. I hate the circle I am in right now I am still angry at him then the next i love him and I am calling him.. Oh wow I have issues. I want to be wanted and loved and enjoyed.. I am tried of not feeling good enough or like i deserve this. I am so comfortable in my marriage I dont want to be alone.
I told him I wanted a divorce but yet i still expect him to be there for me or quite going to the bar becuase he has lost me and his family. Gosh I feel like I am going crazy like a the one time in my life i want him to be there for me he is not.. Wait thats not true I have always wanted him there. but yet i am telling him i dont want him to be there yelling at him when he is not there for me . UAGH am I even making sense or is this just A MESSY MESS
I understand this behavior - I did that, too. It was part of my sickness.
My AH used to tell me I was crazy. Hard to argue with that, really. I was the one yelling and screaming one second, crying the next, on the floor holding onto his leg the next (NOT my proudest moment - haha) to keep him from leaving. I was NUTS, he was absolutely right.
After I started going to Alanon, I realized that I was nuts because I was trying to control something I could not control. I was trying to control HIM. I was manipulative, passive aggressive, dishonest, and crazy.
I don't know if your husband is actively drinking. Active alcoholics can't be there for anyone. They can't even meet their own basic needs. It's not personal - it's not because he doesn't love you or because he doesn't respect you or value you or enjoy you. It's because he's sick.
Have you been to any Alanon meetings for yourself? Your behavior sounds very par for the course in dealing wiht the family disease of alcoholism. In Alanon, you will have many people who understand exactly what you're feeling and what you're going through.
Been there and done that myself Pink...It was insane and I knew it was insane and insanity was the "normal" for us...Boy am I glad there was a HP for me and that HP knew the directions to the nearest, earliest face to face meeting of the Family Groups.
If you haven't gone yet...look for the hotline number for Al-Anon in your area and get the information on the meetings in your area and then go as quick as you can.
There is nothing crazy about wanting a "normal" life...however nothing is normal when it comes to addiction. Healthy relationships are a mutual exchange of many things and from my experience its not possible with someone in active addiction. They are in a relationship with whatever it is they use..
I can so realte to your share we love them and we want love and support back. But they can not love us how we want. They try best they can but they can not eve love themselves. I too have learnt that I did not love myself. My partner has been sober for 8 months he can still not love and support me how I desire, I am having to look to myself to meet my needs. I have been going through a grieveing process as I thought everything would be o.k if he stopped drinking but this sickness is like nothing I have ever seen. My partner today is trying to learn to love him take care of him. I am trying to learn to love and care for myself and then hopefully one day we will be able to love and support each other as a healthy couple. Today I am reaching out to others I go to meetings, ring people from the fellowship, i have even reconnected with family and friends as i had isolated myself. I see now I was looking to someone to make me feel whole who has nothing to give. take care of you al anon will love you till you can love yourself hugs xxx
I can understand that you are ambivalent about getting a divorce. Grieving takes time working through and isn't a linear path. You're in the right place coming here to expore it.
