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In following up from my yesterday's post: The part regarding fear of either me having to leave, or him filing for divorce to punish me...
In order for me to be able to make the best decisions in my best interest and my daughter's best interest (and ultimately my alcoholic husband's best interest), I need to get past these fears. I met with a divorce lawyer recently to have some questions answered. The worst case scenario is that my husband and I would share custody 50%/50%. However, I do not trust him with my daughter - he has driven all of us in the car after drinking (I didn't realize initially), he is impatient and often unkind; he often does not make good/appropriate decisions. The verbal/emotional abuse is present, even with her around.
In the past, he has threatened to take her away from me - he once took her from my arms while arguing with me, and threatened me to never leave the house with her. Though, now that I am living with his parents, he doesn't take much interest in seeing her.
Can you please offer insight into what the situation looks like realistically - e.g. IF I were to file for divorce, what are the chances that I would get more than 50% custody? She is not even a year old yet.
Gratitude,
Kristen
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"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself."
I have been in those shoes. I felt very strongly that it was not in my child's best interest to see his father unsupervised. I did not back down in the slightest and took it to court. I remember when my A left me before and I retained a lawyer. I ended up firing that lawyer as I felt he would have been too cut throat for my case. That was the lawyer I retained for custody.
My A was going to get "parenting time" as they call it where I am from. Even i fit was supervised time, he was getting it. That is what everyone told me. I was so panicked. I ended up with a court order that revoked my ex of his parental rights completely. I think part of that had to do with our history in court, his addiction issues and the fact that I could prove it on paper. That was how it ended up working for our family. My child was six at the time.
My experience says it is based upon the perceptions of the judge. I have been in front of numerous judges and each one has had a different idea of what the outcome should be.
What do you have to prove what he is like? The courts don't care about what you think, they care about what you can prove.
Pray...the outcome that is meant to be, will follow.
Thanks for the thoughts! My proof is only: He has been "diagnosed" as an alcoholic by the evaluators of his outpatient treatment program; His parents and family would testify to this (I am living with them); I've kept a journal; he and I both have seen counselors, who I'm sure would testify to the effects of his behavior.
?
Thanks again.
__________________
"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself."
Klotus, I remember seeing somewhere else on this board some recommendation:
It was suggested to attend some open AA meetings and ask around for the names of lawyers and judges that were very familiar with issues of addictions. To me it sounded like a good idea.
