The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Now I am discovering more things about myself and my relationship with the A.
For a short time now, he has respected not smoking around me. That is good. What I am now learning more about him. I think I was so concentrated on that, that I didn't realize that there are other things I don't like about him. It's normal not to like everything of course.
A lot of the time I feel like, what am I doing in this relationship? I am noticing that I am miserable a lot of the time. He may raise his voice and call me selfish when I leave to go home because I prefer to be alone, but so. He may say that I am not in a good enough mood, or I have too much energy and need to relax. He does what he wants to when he wants too. I try to compromise, but sometimes that isn't enough. Nobody is going to dictate my mood and I am not going to let it happen again.
I have learned that if I am angry and irritable and bored spending time with someone, and that I can't talk about my feelings (like in front of other people), I will leave the situation. I don't have to sacrifice my happiness to please other people.
I am so tired of questioning myself. I know what feels right. If I am being selfish, then I am. Something to work on probably.
I wonder if this makes any sense, but it feels good to get it out there. Thanks for being here.
I agree - you are attuned to yourself. You stated "never again," which makes me think you know the answer. Listen to that part of yourself that is connected deeply to your Higher Power (whatever/whomever that is). You are very wise in knowing that feeling that negatively around someone is making statements. Don't judge, just hear.
Speaking from experience - that is exactly how I felt when dating my husband. We had been friends for a number of years prior to this even. I love him very much - but this relationship is not worth my health. Now I have a child who means the world to me, and is forcing me to take care of myself even more. Perhaps I needed that - BUT, if you can learn to do what's right beforehand, your time with your future partner/child/family/friend will be able to be enjoyed. You will be present for it, instead of fighting for the right to exist.
Thank you for sharing.
KLotus
__________________
"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself."
Thank you so much. So many times I am brought to tears by the responses I get.
I am happy to hear that I am growing. It means so much to get reinforcement from the people familiar with the situation.
And yes, my children are the ones who have turned my life around as well. I agree that my health comes first to be a good mother and person in general. I am not going to quit working on myself for some relationship that will stay or go. And I refuse to give up my strength and freedom for some guy. Slowly it's coming together.
I hear growth and boundaries, nothing selfish about it! Yeah you!!!