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I kept the house that my then-husband and I have lived in since 1989. The house has a huge garage, which was built to acommodate all his power tools, kayaks, and other man toys. Other than his gun safe, which was too darn heavy for him and a friend to move, occupies this mostly empty garage.
I do park my vehicle in it daily. It's a difficult part of the house because that is where my husband usually drank, hid his stash, and we had plenty of futile arguments there. The emptiness still bothers me.
However, since I have a week off of work, I've decided to face the garage and rearrange what few things are in there. Of course, the safe stays put for now.
What I rediscovered is a spot on the garage door that leads to the of the house. A few years back I had used a permanent marker pen and wrote: Alcohol vs. Marriage. Then drew an arrow to alcohol and printer "the winner." Now I need not tell you all why I did that! Uh............ starts with the letter "m." It reminded me of how ill I was back then.
When my then-husband saw this written on the door, he used some kind of spray paint that was somewhat close to the color of the door to hide the writing.
Today, I saw the contrasting paint and was reminded why it was there. I began to berate myself but stopped. Why grind out the past again? It's done. Let's go forward. Remember what I now know.
One of my goals this week is to repaint the entire door, all the while being thankful that I'm recovering & that I cannot control another. Thanks for reading!
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
That's just a example of how frustrated alcohol makes us. Girl, I have done things that were so stupid. I actually can laugh at some of them. Like pouring food coloring in with the vodka so it looked like pee. lol, he drank it anyway, brave soul that he was. I would find half full bottles under his car seat or in his golf bag and draw a skull and crossbones on the label with a magic marker. Oh, and I would balance it on the steering wheel or line them up on his dash so he would see it first thing. You definately aren't alone in your actions. I got a million of em :)
I know now all those antics were fruitless, but as I said, it was all born out of frustration when nothing else was working. At the time I didn't have a clue what to do.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Good for you! Moving forward even though it's hard at times. Facing something that's not easy... Thanks for sharing this. I have been there more times than I can count...doing ridiculous thing after ridiculous thing. I can actually laugh at some of them now - thinking how crazy so easily takes over and you do things that you never could have previously imagined yourself doing.
Christy, thanks for sharing the food coloring story. It made me laugh cause I thought about that once then didn't do it cause I had no food coloring!
Gail and Cristy it always does me good to read about what others have done, and felt at the time it was the right, and only thing to do. The best part of it all is we can look back and laugh at ourselves now, even though it wan't a laughing matter at the time. Gosh, I've sure done my share.
I have a friend who is 20 years sober and attends his AA meeting on the same night we have an Al-Anon meeting in an adjoining room. His wife is in my group. Sometimes I get there early and he will tell me funny stories about how his wife was #1 in the world when it came to finding and pouring out his stash. He said she poured out enough of his whiskey over the years to float a battleship. He had to continually look for new hidding places. One Saturday he bought two fifths for the weekend, (liquor stores are closed on Sunday in Alabama) said he drank one on Saturday but knew he had to find a good hiding place for his Sunday whiskey. He looked in the refigerator and way in the back saw a buttermilk carton that had been there for at least two weeks. So he poured out the buttermilk and replaced it with his whiskey feeling safe about his new hidding place. The next morning he got up and went down stairs to see his wife glaring at him at the kitchen table. The buttermilk carton was directly in front of her. He said he first thought was.....Oh hell, here it comes !! She told him she had planned on making biscuits but she found out she was out of buttermilk and as she stood up and was pouring his whiskey down the sink told him he was also out of whiskey. He said it is nothing any sadder for an alcoholic than to see good whiskey being poured down the sink.
His wife is my sponsor.
HUGS, RLC
Why do I want to ask Christy if in fact it "was" yellow cake color she put in the vodka. LOL.
-- Edited by RLC on Monday 18th of April 2011 03:56:51 PM
Yes, it is pretty amazing that we can laugh about it now! I've been out in the garage this afternoon, preparing the door to be painted. I literally shake my head and ask myself WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???????????? I sort of feel like a little kid, scribbling on someone's paper because he ticked me off!
Oh, how I wish I could take the newcomers at meeting and tell them they can bypass all the insanity if they'd just listen to us and do what we say. How often I would ignore others' advice. I thought for so long that my then-husband and I were different. Crack up! As if we were special.
Thanks for sharing everyone! Let's all have a big laugh at ourselves.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
I had some good laughs reading your stories and reminiscng about my own. So here is one that tickled me tonight. My husband cracked his first beer for the night and I decided I would take it from his hand and pour it out (do you see any error in this??? Nah, LOL) So he squeezed the can tighter and I grabbed tighter all of a sudden the can spit a full can of beer straight up in the air landing all over us standing in the kitchen. It started quite the fight, but now I look back and think seriously I was a bit off thinking that could have gone well! I needed reminding also that I have no control whatsoever of this ugly stupid lousy no good disease!!!! I am so greatful for eveyones support and humor!
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God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
It reminded me of how ill I was back then.
