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RLC's reply on another thread reminded me of the Alanon reading about pigeons (can't remember if it's in Courage to Change or One Day at a Time). In a nutshell, just says that when you go to the park and sit under a tree with pigeons in it, and pigeons do what pigeons DO, you get pooped on. The pigeons aren't purposely trying to poop ON you - they just poop but since you're sitting there you end up with it on you. Point is to not take it personally, but realize that you can sit somewhere else. For me, this is a great analogy.
I took everything personally before I got here. How else would I take it?
After a couple of years in the program (man - I guess it will be 3 years in June. Time sure does fly), I realize that everything other people do is not because of/in spite of/TO me. While I may have become addicted to particular other people and made those people the center of my universe, those same people were not addicted to me. They were addicted to something else. They did what they did because of their addiction, not because of me.
It is hard, hard, hard to stop taking things personally. But when I'm in times of peace and things are going smoothly in life (like now), I need to soak up all the awareness I can on this topic and hope some of it sticks. The next time things get hard, I'm hoping some of this part of my recovery will stick around.
(We had the pigeon reading at an Alanon meeting here in the last few weeks. When I got home from the meeting, my AH asked what we talked about and I said "pigeons." He looked so very confused! I quickly used the "THINK" slogan and decided that I would not elaborate. My recovery meetings are for ME. In this particular instance, telling him that we analogized him and all the other alcoholics to pigeons that poop on other people/stuff didn't seem particularly necessary. I wasn't sure I could do it without being accusatory. :)
I relate to time going soooo fast that I STILL feel like a newcomer. Today, that's not a slight against me, as it would have been in the past, right? Today I'm willing to always be a newcomer, open to the lessons of the day. My first sponsor would always say, wake up, meditate and get your "marching orders" for the day, hahaha
I'm so grateful to her for giving me that reminder, that my life is not about "self" anymore, it's about serving my Higher power. If I don't forget it.... (lol, because that's what I do! I'm not a slow learner, I'm a fast forgetter!!) if I don't forget, it's easy for me to run this filter... is it about my Ego? or is it what my HP would have me do?.... before I do things such as telling someone you are not unlike a pigeon. No doubt, my Ego would absolutely frolick in the opportunity to verbally punch someone in the nose... makes Ego feel superior. But basically, I become a pigeon too!! At the end of the day, recovery is about watching MY behavior, that's what I am responsible for now.
I love a particular story in Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth, titled, "Is that so?" A Zen master is accused of getting the teenage neighbor girl pregnant, to which he responds, "Is that so?" He lost his reputation to which he responds, "Is that so?" After the child is born, they bring it to him to care for. After about a year, the girl feels the remorse from the lie, and decides to tell the truth. They come to his door to tell the truth and he responds, "Is that so?" He hands the child over. The moral of the story being, that whatever happens, he is at peace with the present moment, he doesn't take any of life's drama personally, he is nobody's victim. In this state of non-resistance, the world doesn't get to determine his happiness or unhappiness.
The way I see it, there are a lot of pigeons in my life, alcoholic or not. I think of one of my managers as a pigeon. She simply must treat me inferior in every way, complete with making me walk behind her, not knowing if she actually needs me to follow, sometimes rolling her eyes at me and even, not acknowledging me on some days. If I get scared by it, I know my ego is involved. I CHOOSE to not take it personally because............. a pigeon is going to do what a pigeon is going to do. Translation: a fearful person is going to do what a fearful person is going to do, that is the NATURE of a fearful person. I get to keep my job, enjoy my fellow employees... and keep a discount at my favorite store!!!, lol
Thanks for sharing today! ((hugs))
-- Edited by glad lee on Sunday 17th of April 2011 07:45:42 AM
-- Edited by glad lee on Sunday 17th of April 2011 07:53:33 AM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
White Rabbit I'm sitting here imagining the look on my AH's face if I'd told him "that we analogized him and all the other alcoholics to pigeons that poop on other people/stuff" - boy he'd get mad but, its funny to think about doing, though I wouldn't because I wouldn't want the confrontation. I wonder how A's in recovery would take the analogy? Its really quite weird of me, I have been described as being blunt to the point of painful in the way I matter-of-factly point out certain things, not beating around the bush - but with him I don't - I can imagine it though, maybe if i weren't emotionally invested in him; or maybe its not wanting the confrontation/consequences for saying it. I've made the association that for me, its like I've lived with a vampire of sorts for the last two years, sucking the life out of me - certainly feel much older than I did three years ago. My daughter and I describe certain people as "fun-suckers" - those who, well, like to poop on other people/stuff - I'll have to share this analogy with her - thanks for the smile.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Thank you both for your well-written posts. I reread each at least 3 times because I like the way they made me feel.
glad lee:
I know of the zen master story in Tolle's book. I bought it back in 2001 (I think) and reread parts of it all the time. That book has transformed my life and Al-Anon meetings help to remind me of what I now know and nurture my never-ending growth. Al-Anon meetings also help me give back what I've been given.
"I'm a fast forgetter." I cracked up when I read that! How true, how true!
Again, thanks ladies for your fine posts. They helped me begin the day with a smile on my face.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
I have not heard of the pigeon reading yet, but this was a great post for me to read today and I am learning myself not to take things personally. Thank you for sharing!
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Roo
"The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears."
This is a masterful thread for me; full of memories and gratitudes and wisdom...such as "If you keep and open mind you will find help" and "when the student is ready the teacher arrives." It reminds me of how wise the elders of Al-Anon were and how much they had to give with love and all I had to do was keep and open mind and receive it all "take what I like and leave the rest for later".
I am grateful to tears because I learned how to live my life just before loosing my life completely and I became surrounded by the angels in Al-Anon. For me yours are the "Angels' shares" like the soft fluttering of wings that picked me up and held me up when all I really wanted to do was lie down and die. Alcoholism had almost won completely and then "almost" is as good as a mile in many cases huh?
I'm glad I came here this morning before my morning home meeting. I am glad to have the rush of memories of all these gems of wisdom and the givers of love and wisdom who passed it on and then on to me. My spirit still shouts "Free at last, free at last, thank God I'm free at last" because the fellowship of Al-Anon and the family of Central Valley California nurtured me away from sitting under that tree where I was convinced that fear was the only emotion I would ever know.
I love it when the elders speak and bring their experiences in gold in front of the new comers and I pray that the newcomers hear, "If you keep and open mind...you will find help." Beyond imagination...Mahalo Nui...Thanks so much. ((((hugs))))
For those that would like to know "The Pigeon Story" is on page 74 in the Courage To Change book.
I sat under that tree for many years. Early on Al-Anon gave me an umbrella to use while sitting on the bench under that tree. The umbrella was a life saver sheilding the pigeon "stuff" from dropping on my head. After a few months in the program I got real smart and asked myself a hard question.......Why do you even sit under the tree?.............All those years of wiping pigeon "stuff" off, or actually out of, my head and all I had to do was not sit under that darn tree. I am powerless over pigeon "stuff", but I don't allow it to make my life unmanageable..........anymore !!
Hey Whiterabbit, It's so hard not to take things personally. I have to constantly remind myself, I mean constantly as in several dozens of times daily, not to take any little thing personally. I also started standing up for myself and not shying away from doing or saying things I feel are right, or need to be said, out of fear of how they will be recieved. It's still uncomfortable, but gets easier, and I'm proud I'm doing it.
I love that pigion analogy. It's funny when you think of it, just picturing it, me sitting under a tree getting pooped on, venting to the world why me, crying myself a river, why do the pigons hate me! I keep getting pooped on! lol. I've learned, nope, not me, just the pigeons...doing what they do, they'd poop on anyone.
Glad Lee, thanks for sharing that Zen master story - A new earth has been on my 'to read' list for a while now..I think I'll bump it up;)
