Me and my really long posts again...

My HP really, REALLY wanted me to somehow, some way, get involved with the Big Island Bash this year - it's an AA convention with Al-Anon participation. The local AA district primarily puts this on and Al-Anon members volunteer to help out.

We've known the Bash was coming for a long time, and for several months, the people shadowing the Chairs of the Bash and the head volunteers have been dropping by meetings asking for help. Of course whenever I hear someone say "we need help", I automatically feel like they're somehow singling me out in the room. When I hear "we need help," I hear "we need help... KELLY". haha

I, however, resisted. For months and months. And then they actually did start coming to me personally. First, the person shadowing the Chairs this year needed a co-Chair, whom they preferred to be an Al-Anon member. She asked me and I almost said "yes". But I gave it more serious thought, and in hindsight, I'm still glad I said I couldn't. I've been extremely busy at my two jobs, one of which I've been putting in heavy over-time to get some projects banged out. I would have worked myself into oblivion if I'd taken on the co-Chair task.

But then last week - just one week before the Bash which officially kicks off today, one of the head Al-Anon volunteers for the "red shirts" (the Head Red) came up and asked me if I could volunteer to be his shadow - which means next year I end up being the Al-Anon Head Red for the red shirt volunteers.

Well, as it turns out I had this whole weekend off from my part-time job. And, of course, the week previous, I'd been thinking I would have been spending some time with Mr. Alcoholic I'd been on a few dates with that I wrote about earlier. Of course, that ended up not happening so I was completely free. 

Yes, HP, I hear you loud and clear. Get your butt to the Bash, Kelly. And be of service while you're at it. So I said "yes."

What I'm really happy to see in all of this is how my HP keeps working in my life. And instead of feeling like I'd had my arm twisted, I actually just felt tremendous gratitude to my HP for taking good care of me. HP freed me up to be at the Bash with that whole incident last week where the A I'd been dating ended it by telling me he was getting back together with his ex. So yes, I was just feeling love and gratitude for my HP after I accepted to be a volunteer.

Now, where I'm also seeing tremendous strides in my recovery is that I no longer walk into rooms of people feeling on edge and like I'm going to be verbally attacked or made to feel ashamed at any moment. Old me used to feel like I had to have a very close friend or a family member come and attend these sort of things with me. They were like my safety blanket.

I went into this volunteer job really not knowing if I'd know anyone in the Red Shirts (most of which are AA members). I knew I'd know the Al-Anon member who'd asked me to help, but that was it, and even then I didn't know him extremely well.

Well, I walk in and not only do I see another familiar face, but all the rest of the people whom I don't know just make me feel completely at home and comfortable. It's like I've known these people all my life.

I find out, too, that I've been asked to read the Al-Anon preamble at the kickoff meeting which must have had a good 100 people. Several years ago, before Al-Anon, this would have terrified me. You want me to walk up in front of a room of a hundred people and read something??? What if I stutter? What if I mis-read something... or mispronounce something? What if I don't talk loud enough and someone has to ask me to step closer to the microphone? Oh no!!!!

Well, I didn't bat an eye when I was told I'd be reading the preamble. "Sure. No problem." is what came out of my mouth. Why? Because once again, I knew that whether it's a room of just five people like at a small meeting or a room full of 100 or more people, we're still all family and we love and respect each other, no matter what.

I think what I'm getting at here is that I'm loving seeing how Al-Anon has really removed a lot of the FEAR from my life. That fear has been largely replaced by my trust in my HP.

So, I have three more days of the Bash now. I go tonight after work to listen to an AA and Al-Anon speaker and continue to do some more volunteer work. Tomorrow will be more meetings and fellowship and service along with a luau, and then Sunday (I've got to remember to bring my tissue!) will be the spiritual speakers along with more service work. 

And it won't end there. I'll attend a follow-up gathering with this year's Head Reds and I'll be getting together and planning with the AA member who's going to be the Head Red along with me next year.

And I'm actually looking forward to all of this!

Once again - thanks to Al-Anon. Thanks to my HP. Thanks to my sponsor who's continually demonstrated to me by example how service helps healing. And a special thanks to my exAH who sent me to the arms of Al-Anon three years ago. He gave me quite a gift.