The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My mother-in-law put things into perspective for me. I interviewed at Wal-mart yesterday and was not crazy about the idea of a job there because it was a pay cut of almost $4.00 per hour. I guess I somehow felt it was beneath what I was capable of. I was trying to hold off for one of the management positions.
I was talking things over with my mother-in-law and expressing my feelings. I told her I felt it was a pay-cut. She looked me square in the eye and asked me "How much did you make today? Yesterday?" I had to admit she was right. It was a pay cut from my previous job, but I ruined that one. Considering I am unemployed...it is a step up. Then she reminded me of the benefits that come along with it such as health insurance and employee discounts.
My husband has stated over and over that I should take a few weeks off and take my time to find something I will really enjoy. He said it would be okay with him if I did not go back to work at all, maybe go back to school and finish getting my degree. That is a dream of mine. The ideal situation sould be for me to go back to work part-time and back to school. When I thought about a very peaceful feeling settled over me momentarily. Then I grew a little resentful. I can't go back to work part-time. How many times over the past five years have I been greatful for my job because he couldn't or wouldn't keep his? How nice it would be to live my girlhood fantasies of having a husband who takes care of his family!
I am still feeling more peaceful this morning, but a little nervous about all of these changes coming about in this new chapter of my life. A little excited too.
Ever look at it this way? Your A knows you will work full time so there isn't pressure on him to maintain a job. I know, there's a fine line sometimes between being responsible and enabling. But maybe if you did work part time and went after your dream, he may work a little harder at keeping a job..especially since it was his suggestion.
In essence by giving up your dream of going back to school you are saying "no, no..I'll keep being responsible and work 40 hrs because I know you won't". That's real close to giving him permission not to work/ keep a job (enabling).
Keep seeing your dream as if it has happened..and work it!!
Take care, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Powerless, how about having your mother-in-law talk to her son? Have her look him straight between the eyes and ask if he is taking care of his family. -- just a thought. Jill
