"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

purpleraven · Veteran Member

too young for Alateen, how to help a child?

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

Al-Anon used to publish a book entitled "What's Drunk Mama?", and not sure why they stopped publication.... If you check around on some of the major bookstores online, or even on e-bay, you can often find used copies out there.....

I don't know the specifics of your other questions, other than children raised in alcoholic homes are 2-3x as likely to become alcoholics themselves.... these stats change, of course, if we are educating them about the dangers early and appropriately...

Tom

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Aparently Amazon carries the book Whats Drunk Mama ? it is amazing for smaller children , explains the disease reasures them its not thier fault . A friend bought that book for her children and read it to them often , I heard them occasionally quote something from the book when they were small . Kids only want the truth Louise

Otie · Senior Member

Dear purpleraven, correct me if I am mistaken, but I understood you to say that your recent ex has been sober for the last 26yrs. ? If your daughter is suffering from bad parental treatment in this moment ,by all means ,help her now to deal with her feelings.

In my experience, projecting our fears too far into the future just presents one more thing to make us bonkers!

**I'm not saying don't educate ourselves---just keep perspective**

Respectfully, Otie

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Raven...the "What's Drunk Mama" is a good easy reader from my experience. I use to sponsor in Alateen and one of the things I learned was how to identify with what they felt and thought by remembering how I thought and felt in response to life when i was their age. The connection was made and they understood I understood also.

Want to learn about the long term effects of alcoholism on the young people affected? Listen to the stories in Al-Anon and open AA meetings. We all become/became adults and now tell how it came about for us.

Keep coming back...good post. ((((hugs)))) smile

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Again, not everything a sober alcoholic does is attributable to their alcoholism. The break ups that I have had in my own sobriety were actually the first ones to NOT be about alcohol since it was finally not ruining my life. I respect if you really want to blame all your problems on his alcoholism....It's your choice. I do think it's the wrong opinion and now you are going to teach your daughter how to obsess over a man and be a victim. Harsh words I know and I don't mean them that way, but it's my opinion and my program tells me to be honest.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

From lots of experience as a non addict, I cannot think of one family that did not have a horribly hard time if one parent or the other was an addict. What I have seen, and experienced, the addiction with its horrible symptoms is usually the primary problem.

Pinkchip I highly respect what you are saying. I have to say this is what I would think, most addicts would say. And again it is not the person, it is the disease.

The point is to NOT blame the person but know it is a disease, something our A has. They are NOT their disease.

Even on strong programs of recovery, they are still an addict with their own particular characteristics of being an addict.

Just like a non addict has their own characteristics of not being one.

Kids are like sponges. They need to know all they can so they are not feeling it is their fault a parent or whoever is sick.They need to know it is very ok to love, and care about them even though they may show not so hot behaviors.

Kids at schools are very open about their lives and the addicts in it. I heard it all the time. I had many coming to me for counsel, a friend. Wish I had known Al Anon then.

Kids need to feel secure, they need information. If things are rough at home, it makes it easier to process if they have tools to get them thru it. Just like for adults. It could be they need to grab a coat and go next door. We teach them and set up "safe" places.

We used to have safe houses for kids in our city. Where kids could go if they were scared, or on their way home from school and needed help. we kept a placard in our windows.

Its not a hit on the addict. Not at all. In fact it is a kind thing.

You could probably get direction by calling a substance abuse counselor. We have counselors here just for kids who are addicts and or using.

Kids are very innocent, the tiniest things can bother them. If they have knowledge it will help them not feel so scared.

great share, love,debilyn

Crazy Frog · Veteran Member

actually i found a book at the al-anon store. its a little comic book. its called if your parents drink too much...

Simple language with pictures. I hope this helps.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Alateen and books like "Drunk Momma" or whatever are for kids who have been affected by someone elses drinking (usually a parent). It would be for kids that lived through a parent's active drinking or who still are. I think it abusive to confuse a child about what alcoholism is by blaming adult relationship problems and a break up on alcoholism when the person is sober. If anything, a child who lived with a person sober for 26 years would have less of a chance of developing alcoholism because not only did they never get exposed to drinking in the home, but this particular child isn't even related to the sober alcoholic. I stated my opinion on this whole issue in raven's last thread and it was evidently ignored. Shrug, not everyone needs to agree with me. I'm going to bow out of this thread now cuz it's so off the wall it's making me frustrated. Have to agree to disagree on this one.

Wishing the best for ya.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"