The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello, I am new to this life. The world of self love. I have been abused my whole life. I am a divorced mom of 3. I am currently working on finding myself. Setting bounderies, and learning what makes me happy in life.
I took care of both my parents when I was a child. They were both on drugs, and later turned to alchol. My dad was sexually, physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive. my mom abandoned me every time i needed her. I turned to boys and men as a escape. i was lookinng for love in all the wrong places. I had my first pregnancy at age 14. Thanks to my father. My mom insisted I must have been hoing around. Which is totally untrue. My mom then held my hand while i had an abortion. I recovered, buried the pain, held the secrets, and put my head down and contiued on with life.
She left me when I was 16 and turned up pregnant again by my then, first time, boyfriend.
I had my son, and ran away, i left him with his dad, becasue i was too afraid of reliving the life my mom had lived.
I ran from everything that could have possibly helped my life get better.
i turned to drugs and crime. i lived in that circle of hell for about 3 years with a new man, who became the father of my second child. a beautful baby girl. I stayed with him for those 3 years while he was in and out of jail. he beat me repedatly when the drugs would run out. he left huge scars on my sould that can never be healed.
i left im shortly after the last arrest. he went to prison, where he needs to be. and he will be there in an out the rest of his life i would imagine. shortly after his final arrest. his drug dealers came after my new born daughter and I. threatened our lives.
I ran away again.. took my baby and my new man. (future husband) and moved 800 miles away and never looked back. left my mom, my dad, and what i thought was all the abuse.
i did a 1 year treatment for depression, p.t.s.d., and anxiety.
i was doiing pretty well, my husband and i had a love that ive never had since, and ive only hear about it in storybooks. our beautiful amazing relationship ended due to his increase in alchol abuse. he was a functioning alcholic for the first few years, so much that i didnt even really realize there was a problem. the love we had blinded me.
About 3 years into our love, i had to make the terrible desicion to tell him to leave, the drinking had gotten out of control.... never abusive to me. not once... but he was self destructing before my eyes. and i loved him so much i couldnt watch anymore.
I sent him to a detox center and then to rehab. he came out a much better man than he went in. unfortuanlty there were health problems to come that we could have never forseen.
about a year after the rehab sint, he fell in a hole at work and dislodged a bar he had placed in his chest, (a birth defect). well, that bar in his chest started to move and rotate. withouth insurance or money, the only option at the time was painkillers.
i knew the day i saw him take the first pill that our love would never be the same. i stood by and watched him die slowly over the course of weeks, then months, and that turned to years.
at the end of this rein of pill abuse. he was taking up to 15 oxycodone 30mg. a day. enough to kill a regular man.
i ended our marriage, i sent him back to idaho.
i never healed from any of these things, i never really delt, and accepted that i didnt choose this for myself,...
i am powerless to others.
i love until i cant love anymore.
how do i learn to not do this again?
i know i have already taken some major steps; addimiting i need help. addimitting there is a problem. knowing that i am addicted to love. and understanding that i cant do this anymomore.
the most recent activity in my life, is my new man, we had been together about 2 years. he also was an addict. when i met him he was sober, working, doing everyhing i prayed a man would do for me. then the pills started again.. . it as a repeat of my marriage all over again..
2 more years of my life wasted.
i kicked him out 2 weeks ago, he has already gone to a detox program. completed and released.
please help me learn to set bounderies. to keep bounderies. and say no and mean it.
i am also searching for a higher power. i do not belive in religion. ive alwasys just believed in myself. you can see how far that has gotten me huh?
With the help of your HP and MIP I know you can develop a strong state of life, dignity and respect for yourself.
You have come to the right place. My heart goes out to you and all you have endured and suffered.
Our adversity which we endure in our life, makes us into the great people we can become, first we help ourselves and then we begin to help others.
I hope you attend a face to face Alanon meeting in your area, if its not possible, this board is equipped to help you, with chat, meetings and this board is filled with experience, hope and strength from its members.
Please dont go away, stay with us and you will begin to build a life for yourself thru a conscious contact with your HP and the philosophy of this wonderful program of Alanon.
Just remember to take it one day at a time and go easy on yourself. We are all in support of your recovery.
My heart goes out to you, honey. Sounds like you have had more pain and trauma than a human can be expected to bear.
I know we are not supposed to give advice here, but I feel I have to say, if you were me, I would be working on ME and not on finding another relationship
Here's what I can tell you from my experience...I was married 10 years and my ex divorced me when I developed an anxiety disorder and problems with psychiatric drugs. I felt totally abandoned and rejected. Because of my own trauma from the 3 yrs of h*ll that preceded my divorce, I was in no shape to be jumping into another relationship. I truly believe, to be in a healthy relationship, we OURSELVES must be healthy. I was not n a healthy mindspace AT ALL.
I ended up 1 yr with a recovering alcoholic who was verbally abusive and possibly narcissistic.
Finally got up the strength to leave, only to end up in a rel'ship with an ACTIVE alcoholic in denial, for 3.5 yrs off and on.
Off and on cuz we'd break up, and i'd start feeling lonely and sad. Tried dating, no luck, so a couple months later we'd end up back together, with all kinds of promises from him that eventually got broken.
It was nuts.
Now I'm 3 months away from that, and I am scared to get involved with someone because I am so scared to end up like that again.
My thing is, I am going to work on myself FIRST and FOREMOST. I don't even know if I can date casually..I'm like you. I fall in love fast and love WAY too much. Fall in love with the wrong person and spend a lifetime of PTSD....that's what scares me.
I would say, go to f2f al-anon meetings. If you can, maybe work with a therapist. You have to have a lot of PTSD after everything you've been through. You need help. I need help. Anyone who grew up or loved someone who was an alcoholic, definitely doens't emerge unscathed but the great thing is, there is hope.
thank you for the support. it is much much needed. i will be away for a few days, he is coming to pick up his laptop, he let me borrow for a few days. i will come back. thank you. and i am going to a f2f meeting tonite at 6pm. wish me luck...
