"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

KimmyJo · Veteran Member

Everyone tells me that my head is in the sand???

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Kimmy.... I have never been a big fan of labels, but yeah, it's likely 'denial', or you are just too close to the situation - sometimes people who aren't as "emotionally charged" can offer more objective perspective......

My two cents - you love him, and want so badly to believe in him, which is always an admirable trait..... Sounds like you may be allowing your "want" to see more than your "what" at the moment.....

Posting this today is a great first step of breaking that cycle.. This is where we need our own recovery programs - to support us and hold us up (and accountable) when we are unable to do it on our own...

Keep working it...

Tom

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Our brain really has a way of protecting us at times when things are too difficult to face.

My AH had been on program for years. After a brain surgery I didn't see, for well months or maybe a year that he was drinking again. I thought it was the meds he had for the painful headaches.

Kim I honestly did not know a thing! Was so strange once i realized so I knew that it really can happen.

I do feel too that its harder to zone in on our loved ones than others.Myself I look for someones heart when I meet them. I cannot do this with my kids. Too many emotions, too many connections, and dynamics being mom.

I am glad you are feeling some peace!As far as getting your head out of the sand...you will know when ya do. Its like telling a person to get over depression. Does not work that way.

Or telling someone to just leave, doesn't work that way.

Are you going to meetings? Did ya read GEtting them sober? sorry didn't do that properly...haha

It is hard as we tend to remember those good feelings we want. Hopefully once you get your balance back, you may meet someone who deserves you! Don't settle for less honey.

love,deb

drummerchick423 · Senior Member

I don't think it's just denial but probably also the result of having your mind messed with by the alcoholic.

The alcoholic puts his/her denial on you with their lies and manipulations.

Because we are trusting people, and because we do NOT want to face that our loved ones have a fatal, horrible disease, we let ourselves believe them when they say they're going to "cut down" on their drinking. Or when they lie and say "No of course I wasn't at the bar honey."

You listen and believe enough of those lies, you start to believe it yourself.

It's almost like being brainwashed.

That's why if I were you, I'd take other people's words for it.

The main thing tho is--he's gone--he moved away--why are you worried anymore about his disease? Now is a good time to start focusing on yourself. If your'e like me, you probably have a lot of recovering to do.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Kimmy

I know that before alanon I too could not see what was very obvious to others.

It was because i did use DENIAL of REALITY and Pretend that everything was alright, as my only tools of dealing with the problems in life that I did not want to handle.

When these tools failed and the pain of "not seeing" forced me to see, I found my way to al anon and learned new tools to deal with life. I agree it does not matter what label we use but it is important to learn how to take care of ourselves in constructive manner.

Alanon suggests, we foucus on ourselves, live one day at a time, attend meetings and break the isolation and learn to act and not react

Please find meetings in your community and learn how to live life with serenity and wisdom.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"