The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm finally going to get out, it's been 20 years. I'm sad,anxious, scared and sick but I know it's the right thing to do for myself and my kids.
My AH has depressed and disconnected with us for a long, long time now. It makes me feel like I am a bad person. I feel that my close friends and family all know whats going on without me saying a word.
He is functioning A and goes to work everyday but afterwards totally ignores me and our marriage. He enjoys being important to other people especially women who think he is just great which feeds his problem.
He has never tried to recover and thinks I eed to just deal with it.
I'm just sad that my kids will have to endure so many changes in front of their friends.
I pray for the strength to face the next few months with courage and the ability to make good decisions. I don't even recognize myself anymore...why did I stay this long?
kathyc - Congrats on having the courage and strength to do what is right for you and your kids. I'm just coming to terms with my AH and his disease and realizing that is why he has been so disconnected for years which I feel is harming our kids and our marriage. I have been feeling so lonely and "single" when he was right there which I think hurts the most. He is just the shell of a man, one of whom I remember differently. One who has gone somewhere and I have been longing for him to return and be that wonderful man/father that I knew he was and could be again. I wonder why we do stay so long in such toxic relationships? I think it is that "hope" that we can "help" them or they will just snap out of it when that's not reality... I wonder if I can find myself again too...
Good for you for helping yourself recover even if he won't. You and your kiddos are what is important. Best of wishes! I can only hope to gain the same strength and courage from you all here.
__________________
Roo
"The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears."
I stayed for 26 years, with only a few times of sobriety and they were short. It was about 10 years when I seriously atended Alanon meetings and got a sponsor, two sponsors as a matter of fact. It made the big difference for me. It was a journey I dont regret.
Today, the alcoholic and I are still good friends although we live apart, but not divorced. For the first time in his life, he is 57, he is in sober living, has a new job and he is doing quite well. Miracles do happen, not in the way that we design, but in a better way.
I have peace and serenity, more importantly, I had it even in the midst of the drinking and chaos. Do Alanon for you!
Keep coming back, because it works if you work it.
Do you think that perhaps, you leaving him helped him reach his bottom?
Bettina wrote:
Kathyc,
Welcome to MIP, glad your here.
I stayed for 26 years, with only a few times of sobriety and they were short. It was about 10 years when I seriously atended Alanon meetings and got a sponsor, two sponsors as a matter of fact. It made the big difference for me. It was a journey I dont regret.
Today, the alcoholic and I are still good friends although we live apart, but not divorced. For the first time in his life, he is 57, he is in sober living, has a new job and he is doing quite well. Miracles do happen, not in the way that we design, but in a better way.
I have peace and serenity, more importantly, I had it even in the midst of the drinking and chaos. Do Alanon for you!
Keep coming back, because it works if you work it.
No, he has not hit bottom and I don't know if he will ever get there. I think he feels bad but just not bad enough to really change.
I went to my first meeting yesterday and felt hope for the first time in a long time. There were 4 other people there who helped me.
I am trying to focus on me and my kids and stop being angry and bitter all the time. It's very hard and all consuming and will make me physically sick if I don't change my thinking now.
It's so hard to re-train your thoughts to think and work on mine and my kids needs and not 'why is he doing these things' all the time.
I will do it, I will get through this with the help of God and others that have been through it too.
Yup, yup, yup. Stewing in anger and resentment only hurts yourself. Every once in a while I let myself feel that way, only so I can reason it out. Or I'll go to the gym and work out really hard...that helps sometimes.
Trying to figure out how he thinks is a total waste of time. I realized I could never get into my exabf's head. And yknow what, I don't thikn I want to. All I know is he is self-medicating an awful lot of pain and I can't be a part of that anymore.
kathyc wrote:
"I am trying to focus on me and my kids and stop being angry and bitter all the time. It's very hard and all consuming and will make me physically sick if I don't change my thinking now."
-- Edited by drummerchick423 on Thursday 7th of April 2011 04:56:34 PM
