my mom - Al-Anon Family Group

southsider39 · Newbie

my mom

southsider39 · Newbie

thank you,,,,,i felt better reading this allready

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

WELCOME!

I understand your feeling of being lost.

Have you checked to see if there are Alanon meetings in your area? I highly suggest you try meetings. Alanon will give you the tools you need. It's so comforting to be with a group of people who understand what you're going through, too. You don't have to talk (share). Just sit and listen. No pressure whatsoever. No one will tell you what to do, either. Sometimes, we'd like others to hand us the answers; however, no one knows what's best for an individual.

Please keep coming back to this board!

ythannah · Senior Member

Hi and welcome, southsider! smile

As the others here have already posted, the most helpful thing you can do is to start attending Al-Anon meetings and reading the literature.

As an adult child of alcoholic parents, I do understand your fears and your frustrations. You didn't cause your mother's drinking problems, you can't control her, and unfortunately you can't cure her. She will have to get to the point where she wants to help herself before anything changes.

There are things that you can do to reduce the emotional impact and turmoil on yourself, however, and Al-Anon will give you the tools to do that.

southsider39 · Newbie

ythannah wrote:
Hi and welcome, southsider!
As the others here have already posted, the most helpful thing you can do is to start attending Al-Anon meetings and reading the literature.
As an adult child of alcoholic parents, I do understand your fears and your frustrations. You didn't cause your mother's drinking problems, you can't control her, and unfortunately you can't cure her. She will have to get to the point where she wants to help herself before anything changes.
There are things that you can do to reduce the emotional impact and turmoil on yourself, however, and Al-Anon will give you the tools to do that.

what are some of the things i can do??? THATS WHY I AM HERE,,,we have no al anon where im located

Katy · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Southsider,

Hello and welcome, as you have found out trying to deal with someone that drinks too much, is that our own lives become unmanageable, what you will find here are people that understand and have been where you are now and can offer thier own personal experience of what worked and what didn't, It is hard to get your head around at first I know, I think for me it was the not knowing that it wasn't my job to save somebody that I loved, I spent many years enabling and now when I look back, taking all the responsibility away from my alchoholic and not allowing them to learn from thier own consequences they were creating, before I found alanon I was very lost and alone, it was a huge relief to find a place where I could say how I felt and not be judged to have my thoughts and feelings validated.

You ask how? It's all about changing our attitudes, becoming aware for instance that we do the same old same old things over and over exspecting different results, familiar?

We use slogans like how important is it? take what you like and leave the rest, HALT! when your feeling off balance ask yourself, are you hungry, angry, lonely, tired, and if you are any or all of those things stop, eat, relax, etc.

I hope just by coming here you feel a tad better too, please keep coming back.

take care

Katy

ythannah · Senior Member

southsider39 wrote:
what are some of the things i can do??? THATS WHY I AM HERE,,,we have no al anon where im located

We stop enabling the alcoholic. That means that we allow them to feel the negative consequences of their actions. For example, if someone spends all their money on their addiction and can't pay rent, it could be enabling to give them more money to avoid eviction.

We start practicing detaching with love. Lots of good information on detachment here: http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

We set up boundaries for ourselves regarding what behaviour we will and won't accept from the alcoholic. That could mean something like saying the person can't visit your home or phone you when drunk. Boundaries are for YOU, to preserve peace and serenity in your life.

It's helpful to educate yourself about the disease of alcoholism. The book Getting Them Sober by Toby Rice Drews is a really good resource.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.