The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
feeling very scared yet excited. My ABF is sober and has been for 7 months and the light is really gtting shinned on me. HP has brought me to a place were i can not hide anymore. My A is strong and has realised how sick we are together. I am not so strong and was clinging in there. You see he has a good support network of AA friends he is working his programme he is focusing on himself and if I stopped feeling sorry for myself for five minutes I might learn a thing or two. I was on my knees before and who did I ring not an al anon member no my ABF who I am supposed to be giving space. He handled it amazingly we chatted about all the issues we have and how we need to love ourselves before we could ever be together and how we need to hand it all over. I know he is right but he is strong. Since I left my last sponsor I have not been the same. When I got off the phone I rang an al anon memeber and I really really opended up. I have asked her if I can start at step one again with her help. I am also starting coda meetings as I was like this well before i met the A. So it looks like for the first time in my life my A is making me look at my life. Its scary but hope you will all come on the journey with me I amy need your support. hugs
Tracy, it's good that both of you are on a path of recovery. Just remember that your ABF is very new to sobriety and still learning. At 7 months, he is getting a crash course in AA and his motivation is stronger than yours to work a program probably because he is doing it to literally save his life. I was like an AA drone at that point...eating, sleeping, and crapping AA. To an outsider it would have looked like I was being strong in some ways, but I was really just building a foundation for sobriety.
Your ABF is not stronger than you. He needs a program in a different way and it's not good to compare. Tread lightly while you are working on your relationship issues. Remember that you were a good person before the A and you are just working on being better okay?
It is not unusual to want to seek support from your partner when you are sad. You just need to remember to keep your support group open and not be overly dependent on 1 person (the ABF). Good job eventually calling someone from Alanon. This is all progress and not perfection remember.
It feels like we have a lot in common. Thanks to my inventory work in the past, I've been able to see how I had made my husband my higher power. I called him whenever I was out of sorts, expecting him to "fix" me. And he did, we were very enmeshed. I had him on such a pedestal, giving him sooo much credit for a lot of the good in our lives........... rather than my HP. And it was devastating when he "failed me," I had nowhere else to turn. I felt abandoned and lost.
We divorced and I am very recently in a new relationship now, and I am watching this character defect rear its ugly head again... This past weekend, I found myself whining to him about my day... something I might ordinarily do with my sponsor now, but... gawd, I was disappointed with myself that night when I laid in bed doing my tenth step.... it's such a habit to expect my partner to make the sun shine for me! Sooo grateful for the program because ... I may still go there, but today I am catching myself.
I like what Mark said, your boyfriend is taking a crash course in a very spiritual program, he is merely passing along to you what he has so freely been given. It's actually your HP who is making you look at your life... give credit where credit is due, sweetie. We just have to do our part by supplying the honesty, open-mind and willingness,and that's what we're both trying to do.
My guru once said, "See the work, do the work, stay out of misery." That's my goal.
With love in recovery (((hugs)))
-- Edited by glad lee on Tuesday 5th of April 2011 11:06:37 AM
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I'm in support...Yeah! Your post reminds me of my early years in Al-Anon and I was a newbie and the program convinced me that a newbie is what I needed to be and the place where they all started. I walked into walls of denial. I got tired and refused to work. I doubted others. I went back to old non-working behaviors, thoughts, feelings and motivation and "it's okay" I was told; keep practicing, practicing, practicing and you will get "it", peace of mind and serenity. They were of course all right about the process because they had the experiences and I wanted what they had...so I pulled away from my addiction with my alcoholic/addict wife and turned toward the program, my sponsorship, the suggestions and a Power Greater than my own imagination and I am still doing the same thing today.
Ups and Downs in early recovery are more frequent than in later recovery. My ups were mountain tops where I could see forever and my sponsor led me to reality that below the mountain top is a dark valley and as I go forward I must enter valleys in order to reach the next mountain top. I learned how not to look for mountain tops but high plateaus...flat, level mostly and above the deep valleys. There are many of them and they come with practicing how to accept ups and downs and what to do with the experiences for yourself.
You are growing Tracy...keep on keeping on...practice, practice, practice. (((hugs)))
