confused - Al-Anon Family Group

cbris · Newbie

confused

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Please find meetings for yourself quick , you need support. You have already lost custody of your children how much more are you willing to loose to stay in this relationship . He has made his choices making excuses for him dosent help either of you . counceling a practicing alcoholic is a total waste of time and money , until sober they just dont think right . Find support for yourself and figure out why your willing to put up with the kind of behavior your describing here .. Louise

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

What I wish someone had told me before I got too deeply into my insanity of life with an alcoholic is that the majority of alcoholics never recover. Of those who go into recovery programs, 5-30% eventually achieve longterm sobriety. Those are the people who want recovery. A lot of alcoholics never get to the point where they want recovery. The insanity has taken over their brains. Sadly, no one but them can make them want recovery. They give up everything -- their relationships, even their lives -- for their addiction. Sadly, the insanity infects us as well, and we often give up our relationships and sometimes even our lives for our own addictions. I certainly was addicted to my alcoholic. I lost sight of what I was losing in staying with him as I was sucked deeper into the insanity, keeping on thinking that things were going to change. When someone in AA told me the statistics about alcoholic recovery, it was a wake-up call for me.

So my experience is that I keep waiting and waiting for him to get better so we could start our good life. I didn't realize that alcoholism was the only life on offer from him. It was hard to face because my hopes were so high and I had invested so much. And his alcoholism and turmoil distracted me from my own pain, truth be told. It was hard to face all my mistakes. But not so hard as keeping on making them! smile

The good news is that we have everything we need to make our lives better without waiting for the alcoholic to stop drinking. That's what Al-Anon is for. Learn all you can about alcoholism on these boards and at face-to-face meetings. There is wonderful support that can work miracles. Hugs to you.

-- Edited by Mattie on Tuesday 5th of April 2011 04:18:05 AM

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

HI and welcome. Meetings, reading literature. Getting Them Sober, Toby Rice Drews great book. meetings here, message board all are helpful.

No counseling or anger management are going to help until HE gets help with his disease. The disease is the primary problem

I know for me, no one is worth me losing my kids.

As far as choosing his drug over anyone, its not like that. He has no choice, he craves whatever drug he is addicted to as soon as he is awake. This disease makes it first. It is part of being an addict. Unless they are on a plan of recovery, it is just part of him.

I know for me love is not enough. sadly. We have to protect ourselves.

Please keep coming! love, debilyn

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.