The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am a little nervous as I haven't been in awhile. The breakup with the ABF was completed this afternoon, so I am feeling a bit sad. I let him get angry with me and I didn't say anything negative to him. I am not playing the game anymore.
Instead of sitting here and wallowing though, I am keeping the promise I made to myself to get my butt to that meeting.
Just had to tell someone LOL. Someone who can understand. Go me!
I lived with alcoholism for several decades. For the last two decades I've gone to individual counseling off and on. While the counseling helped a lot in many avenues of my life and continues to do so, I get something from meetings that I can't get anywhere else.
One thing meetings provide me that counseling can't is the support of people who know firsthand what I've gone through and continue to go through. Some members are further along than I am, while some are just beginning the journey of recovering. The mixture of members is, for a lack of a better word, magical to me.
I wasn't too impressed my first 2 meetings. But I had a hunch that I needed the meetings, so I'm keeping my promise to myself that I will continue to go on a regular basis, knowing that perhaps some meetings won't "grab" me in the way I would like. But that's okay.
I hope you give meetings a fair chance. It sounds as though you will. And, if you don't like the feel of the meeting at one place, try to find another one. I attend two different meetings. Each group has it's own unique chemistry, providing me what I need at this time.
Come back and let us know how it went!! Gail
-- Edited by GailMichelle on Monday 4th of April 2011 06:26:53 PM
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
It was about the 4th step. I am still wanting it to be some kind of open discussion.
Anyhow, it really made me think about making my list. I don't have a sponsor, but I don't mind trying some things out on my own. It sounds a bit mentally exhausting and maybe just a little too eye-opening. It's really hard to be honest with oneself I do believe.
I used to feel horrible about myself in every way. I have gained some confidence, maybe too much, and I think now it's time to take it down a notch and realize that it's not all A behavior that can ruin a relationship. They are people too. I am not above anybody. Time I should sit down and give that some penstrokes.
Hi member 922, What helped me get started on the 4th step was to ask myself questions. Who do I want to be? Get an idea of all the good qualities I want to have. In my case I wanted to be the happy, nice person I was before I married my hubby and at the beginning of my marriage. I was optimistic and happy about life. I was not afraid of failure, or at least trying. I assumed good will. I was happy.
And then I think about who I got to be. I was always afraid of making a wrong decision. That wrong decision was always accompanied with finger pointing and blame. After a while the alcoholic didn't even have to say anything to me because I did it to myself. I ended it not happy. I ended up very critical of everyone else.... so that I could give myself some accolades, "At least I'm not THAT bad!" I got frozen. My emotions were frozen. My thoughts were frozen. I just tried to get through the day without controversy. I was always waiting for something. It never came. I didn't even know what I was waiting for. My life wasn't fun. It wasn't what I wanted. I was not happy.
So then, how to I get from point B BACK to point A? Only by looking hard at what you are now can you look at how you want to be. And you don't have to do all of it at one time. You can take just one little piece....like I did about being fearful and not wanting to be blamed. I can identify that about myself and then work on that for a while. Then I am free to look at something else about myself that I want to be different.
Have an open discussion with yourself about the 4th step. Get a trusted friend in the program to talk about it. Write about it on this board. Get it out!!
Thank you so much Mary! You have given me good insight to getting started. You have made me think about what the step means.
I feel as though I am stuck somewhere in the middle of fun loving and miserable. I like to think that I am slowly moving in the right direction. I need to grow, not grow stagnant.
I so relate to "At least I'm not THAT bad!" Ha! You are right. One step at a time.
Thanks a bunch. I honestly appreciate it. And I will honestly try. I only get one go round. As I tell my children, never give up.
