The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been married for 25 yrs, and he has drank all thru these yrs with maybe a pause here and there, when he would get a DWI/DUI it would always be "I'm done, I quite drinking", or another good one is the cops were picking on him. This last one was just about a year ago, he hadn't had any tickets-or got stopped for about 9 years, I was feeling pretty confident. He has stopped drinking, went thru treatment, and was going to 2 meetings a wk. He has just got a job after not working for a year. Thankfully he was able to be w/me and be my caregiver, I just happen to get cancer,then he lost job, then came the DWI, an things just kept piling up. My problem is trust, I am so afraid he will start again, he says he will not drink again, he is only going to 1 meeting a week now.
I just started to go to Al Anon and I'm not sure if it is the right group, the people are real nice, but all we do is read each on the books which corresponds w/the date,and if someone wants to add something they do,
I think I need more than that. I maybe need someone to dig deeper into each step. I don't know, this is new to me and maybe I need to go to counciling. I'm confused, I like the meetings but feel something is missing?
I wasn't sure what to think when I attended my first Al-Anon meeting either. But, I kept coming back, and not only did I find a very strong support system, but I now have tools to help me deal with all of the insanity and chaos that my AH brings into my life.
It is suggested that you go to 6 meetings before you decide whether or not Al-Anon is right for you. All meetings aren't for everyone. Go to different meetings. In time, you may considering getting a sponsor who you can talk to on a one-on-one basis when you need that. Most meetings also have a phone list of people who will take phone calls that is passed out to newcomers.
As far as your husband relapsing, the program will help you understand that you have no control over that. Nothing you do or say will make him drink, or not drink. If you continue the program you will learn the 3 C's - you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. I thought for a very long time that I could cure my husband's alcoholism. That I could do something to make him stop drinking. I couldn't have been more wrong, and I wasted a lot of time trying.
You know I am starting to get that part, I can not make him stop. And the part of detachment.
It's the domino effect that takes place after he has relapsed, and gotten a DWI or DUI, I find it hard to detach because every issue related to his drinking and driving has a great deal to do with me, it affects OUR finances, future, and family relationship. And I can't figure out just where that detach divide should start. Thankfully we do have the money to pay for all this stuff, attorny fee, fines, etc. and so when this all happens its so hard not to yell at him, which I know doesn't help anything and just makes it worse. Know where I am coming on this part?
so g;lad you have found al anon for you. My sober Bf is quite new to sobriety he was sober for 6 months then relapsed and this time he has been sober for 7 months and is doing better than ever. An alcoholic can not cure their alcoholism the can arrest the disease with the help of AA. You say your partner is attending meetings great. I try to leave my partner sobreity to AA. I spent years worrying, crying, arguig and made myself ill. If he has a slip today I use the stuff I have learnt here. I go to a meeting, read my books, make phone calls and I leave him to face the consequences. It is hard to keep the focus on you but the only other option is to let this disease take you with it. You are starting your own journey of recovery and believe me whe I say it is an amazing experience sometimes its tough but the little miracles that happen learn us that our own lives are important and we matter. take care of you hugs
Thanks for the incouraging words. you know it is hard to keep putting "myself" first. Something new. And I do see good things in the program and wow it is a lot of work, a lot of digging deep, I am wanting to learn about ME and why I react and then change some of those reactions, the thoughts are hidden in the back of my consciousness and they are slowly coming forward thanks for the good words granny7
There really is no point to worrying about what he *might do* you cannot stop it anyway.You have no control over the choices he makes but you can control how you react to them . Our books are invaluable and every page holds a solution if were looking for it . If you can add another meeting to your week , it gives you an oportunity to meet other people and get a different perspective on what is going on around you and keep your eye open for a sponsor there is someone just waiting for you to ask .:) You have just started in your recovery be patient with yourself dont rush stick with the first 3 steps if you can for a few months by that time you will have found a sponsor to take you thru the remaining 9. Easy does it works . It took yrs for you to get to the state you are now and its going to take time to get where you want to be. Louise
It has taken me almost 3 years to finally "get" the Alanon program.. At first it doesn't seem like enough, and it's confusing to see people seem so calm and centered around the crazy they live with. Then I "got it" and it's detachment. a point when the emotional connection to the crazy isn't there anymore, and you can just do what you have to do, take care of yourself, your kids, house, etc, not worry about the A in your life.. give that person to a higher power, and move forward among the crazy. Hugs
You might get a hold of a Alanon schedule book that has all the meetings, there are different types of meetings, there are Step meetings, where they study a particular step. Depends on where you live I guess.
Good luck, most important is that you keep coming back.
