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Right now I`am feeling very angry at my daughter for her behavior. Many of you know that I take on a lot of the responsibilty for my grandaughter. My daughter does not seem truly equipted to give the child what she needs. The child who is 7 is more responsible than the mom is in many ways. Drinking or not drinking her behavior seems to be childlike and irresponsonsible. From what she feeds her to how she clothes her. I`am not trying to throw my d under the bus but just stating what I see. I worry about my gd and try to be there for her in many ways. My d cant handle money for the life of her. It wouldn`t matter how much she made she would blow it all in a heartbeat and be short for rent and everything else each month. I never help her with anything but when I see that the clothes are no longer fitting the child and my d is getting her hair and nails done. That she doesnt have spring or summer clothes for the upcoming season. I mention it to her gently and she gets mad because she has too many bills. My next step every year is to offer my d my charge card to get some summer clothes for my gd and pay me a little each week. This has been going on for years. Every years she spent about $150 roughly... Today she took it and spent $500! I was beside myself. I cant even spend $500 for clothes for myself I`am thinking. I said, thats too much, what were you thinking, you have to take them back. Everytime she hears me say something she doesnt like, she says, "i`am not going to disguss this with you now and hangs up. Nothing makes me mader... Last night her little girl had a sever migrane attack, I mean severe. Her mother has never witnessed anything like this. The child was crying and begging me to help her and take her to a hospital. The advil I gave her had not kicked in. She was hysterical. I called her mother while she was out on a date. She calmly tells me she cant help me because she doesnt have any of the insurance information with her. I wanted to jump thru the phone but calmly said okay and hung up. I got out of my pjs and threw anything on and was going to take her to a hospital with no information an all of a sudden she laughed at me because of how I was dressed. I said, your feeling better! With that I knew the advil was beginning to take affect. But the point of this story is her mother. How can she be the way she is? I was never like this to my kids. I made awful mistakes but I took care of them. Thanks for listening all. Can anyone relate? Am I doing the wrong thing by helping out with clothes? I feel so taken for granted.
I can't remember if your daughter is a full-blown alcoholic but it sure sounds like alcoholic behavior. It's like insanity -- well, not like insanity because it is insanity.
I was always told never to give money to the alcoholic -- if you need to get money to them, give it direct to the landlord, store, or whatever. So I think I would take my granddaughter clothes shopping myself, rather than handing over the credit card.
I'm glad you're stepping in on behalf of your granddaughter. Not doing it wouldn't impel your daughter to do it, and basically you're preventing child neglect. You're not doing it for your daughter; you're doing it for your granddaughter.
I must agree that your taking care of your grandchild is admirable. So that while you are doing this, it is important to review how you can best do that so that you are not hurt in the process.
I agree taking her shopping and purchasing the necessary outfits yourself is the best action, Having a duplicate insurace card at your home is essential. The $500 already spent may be difficult to resolve but no doubt you can arrange to return some of the purchases
You are dealing with insanity and having unrealistic expectation of your daughter will continue to cause you pain. Unless she is in a recovery program you must take care of you. Use your tools and let go and let God
Please keep going to meetings and working this program--- You are worth it
If I had a grandchild whose parent wasn't providing her needs, I would do so. I would take the child shopping myself.
I encourage you to attend meetings. For so long I felt I could do it on my own with the help of a psychologist. I did so for years. However, I just attended my 5th meeting in a 3-week period and was pleasantly surprised that meetings give me something that my psychologist can't, even though he is skillful. There's nothing better than to be surrounded by those who understand. It's difficult for me to express how thankful that I finally am going to meetings.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
It's live and learn when it comes to addictive behaviors. Maybe next year you and gd could even shop online together so you aren't handing over your credit card.
Nothing is normal when it comes to addiction and the behavior that it includes. We just can't get bread from the hardware store.
Take care,
Christy
-- Edited by Christy on Monday 4th of April 2011 12:21:00 AM
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
