Hi there everyone, it's me again. I am feeling more put together as of late and I know I did the right thing by moving out on my own months ago. I feel stronger and slowly being alone isn't as scary as it once was, I still have my moments, but more than not I am getting more comfy within my own skin. Having had my first kid at 19 years old it is just weird being alone since I share my kids 50/50 for now.  At 32 I am facing my stuff and getting better at focusing on me. I still have such guilt for leaving my ex AH while he is down. When I left he was sober and he started back up the night I left. I know it is for him to own his actions. I can not be his savior, I know. I still feel so bad. Last night was bad my 2 year old had a high fever all night and I was up trying to cool her down and talking to a all night nurse call in center. The next day I tol dhim about it and he brought over some fresh fruit and popsicles for her. He offered to come over and help if it got to be too  much, I was thinking about it with being sick myself too, but when I called tonight I heard it in his voice. I knew as soon as he came in from work he cracked a beer. I didn't want him to come over and bring it into my house.  It is so hard sometimes to STOP and remember not to go to the hardware store for bread, milk and you get it, going to the wrong person for support! I let him off the hook nicely so he couldn't get mad at me for mentioning his drinking and started feeling guilty for breaking up our home. Than I remember it wasn't a happy home and I was slowly dying inside living with him. I have my power back nad feel the freedom to be me and I am a great person. I however feel that nagging guilt at times, because my A is a nice guy who happens to have this ugly disease!