hi from insanity - Al-Anon Family Group

Tracy · ~*Service Worker*~

hi from insanity

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm so sorry to hear this is so hard. It sounds almost as if you are detoxing from him while he is detoxing from alcohol. I know how that one feels.

It sounds to me as if both of you are recognizing things that are true. He is recognizing that he needs every ounce of attention to keep himself in recovery and on the straight and narrow right now. And you are recognizing that that means that he doesn't have enough to give you what you need. (I'm guessing that if he's like my A, he never did -- but there was always the hope.) So having to keep on starving while he feeds himself just feels like too much to bear.

Some people explained to me when I was in this situation that I had made my A my HP. Nobody could provide that much, least of all an A, even if he was in recovery. (Mine wasn't.) They said I had to learn to get what I needed from a lot of sources -- from myself, from other people, from the group, and from my HP. It's been hard trying to retrain myself. I imagine it's like an alcoholic who's always gotten his comfort from alcohol, trying to get away from the alcohol long enough to learn how to get comfort elsewhere.

I'm so glad you have a meeting waiting for you in the morning. Nobody should have to do this without support. It sounds like you have a lot of awareness. Sometimes we have to take things on faith for a while. But when I balk at this, I remember: my old way sure wasn't working. I kept hoping it would finally all come together, but it never did. The new way is the way to serenity.

Hang in there. Hugs.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Feels like someone took your stomach out huh? Its one of the hardest things I ever went thru.

YOu will get better, takes so long though.

For now its like I always say, control what you can. Start taking real care of you as you are very sick. YOu know a broken heart is really broken!

We never know what the future will bring. Thats why doing your best for ONE day at a time helps so much. I napped so much when i was like that. It hurt so much I have been without a mate since 2002.

I care about you Tracy. Coming here will help some. Also I spent lots of time in the chat room.

Hugs,debilyn

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

I can relate to you more than you will ever know! Like the other very smart people said ahead of me keep working your program. I have and at times still am where you are. At times I think I will be unable to live and go on without my A. Than I realize he is my addiction and I have to break it and take care of myself. Sometimes all I have to do is take it moments at a time, until i can take it hours at a time until i can take it a day at a time. Try to keep your head focused on Al-anon literature and books and journaling your thoughts, these things have helped me through some really hard times. Have you read the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. Great book that if you do the exercises at the end can help with some big self growth as well. I pray you well! You are in the right place! Keep reading this forum to I have found some of the best information for my own growth right here at MIP.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Stay with it Tracy...practice, practice, practice. You're doing good no matter what your head tries to tell you. Abandon yourself to God as you understand God and stick with your recovery. I'm grateful for your courage to bring your journey here and share it. I can relate to what you are going thru from another angle however the solution remains the same. (((((hugs))))) smile

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