Self sabotage - Al-Anon Family Group

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

Self sabotage

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm not quite sure what your question is, so my apologies if this is addressing the wrong thing. I always try to keep in mind the saying, "It didn't get like this in a day, it won't change in a day." And "Progress not perfection."

On the weight front, all the reliable sources say that after the first week, a loss of 2 lbs. per week is the maximum that's achievable in a healthy way -- 1 lb. a week is more the average. Maybe the rest of life is like weight loss -- you have to do it gradually to stay healthy and keep it off.

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks Mattie, I am on my way to a meeting Thank God! And I know in this I was all over the place. I guess I was wondering if nayone else ever feels like this in there own heads?

Chelle3 · Veteran Member

Well, your avatar picture is beautiful!! It sounds like you're strugglinh with becoming happy with yourself, alone. I can only imagine how hard that is, but I know you realize you can create a beautiful life for yourself.

Journaling helps me. I'm not a writer either, but just getting your thoughts on paper has shown that it increases the time to process them. Make a list of what you enjoy. Make a list of things you like to do. Maybe make a list of people to do things with (include people you don't even know well. Create girls night out. Make a list of what you want to become. Do you work?

I can only tell you what's helped me when I was going through the divorce process (we ended up not divorcing at this time, but I'm still doing what I need to to become independent). Anyway, putting myself out there to reach out to my friends. I set up lunch or movie dates, even if I'm the only who makes the effort to do it I still do. I try for something once/week.

I'm lucky enough to have teen daughters so if I want to do something like go out to eat or just get dessert or go shopping, they're there for me.

I got a job. I was a SAHM mom for 15 yrs. I didn't realize how much I missed being around other people! I love going to work and look forward to it each week. I'm also a nurse on a concer floor and it feels really good to help others that have more needs than I.

I'm going back to school because I want to be able to make enough money to support myself and my girls if needed. I also love to learn.

Would any of these things help you?

Hugs to you,

Chelle

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

You know Karen, I bet there are a lot of people you see in every walk of life that feel like they are shams waiting to be discovered. I think we ALL suffer from moments of self-doubt and low self-esteem - we walk forward anyway and would probably be surprised to hear people who know us talk about how together we always seem to be.

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Karen,

You're not alone. When I was finally able to live seperate from my exah I thought everything would just simply get easier and it did get easier but I slept for a year. Not straight thankfully

But time I thought I would spend taking care of me by doing great goals and get ahead I slept and worked. It took a long time to see a consistent rate of good days in a row. It happens though a little more each week or month, just like weight loss. Those 1-3 pounds a month may not seem like much but I lost 60 in 18 months and more importantly learned how to not let them find me again ... quality takes time but each little step is one inch closer.

I have moments of not feeling ... I guess worthy is as good a word as any ... recently I had a revelation of a part of why. I like the changes I have made and I like the person I am becoming but I have regret I did not place the value on myself sooner to make those changes. I am still trying to figure it out but I am thinking that releasing the regret and forgiving myself for not placing that value on myself earlier is key to moving forward LOL Like I said I have not quite figured it out yet but it helps me to share the beginning idea!

I think you are doing a great job. Keep taking care of you

Jen

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Karen I read your post a few times. It reminded me of when my first husband died. I do remember the being unsure, like I never fit like everyone else seemed to. No one knew. I was so blown out of the water as I didn't know a life without living with someone.

I volunteered then got hired at a food co op. I started finding my own strengths. I had NO idea who I was, until I was challenged like that. I learned I could do all the ordering, the books, manage the whole store. Learned to really be comfy around other people. Let meetings.

Then I was taking a group of us to the beach, the mountains etc. I had a vs bus. Karen it was my getting involved I found out who I was and what I could do. I even took some classes at he community college. I got my own foundation by finding it and building it.

When I went to college later, all the challenges, boy did I get grown up. I found I liked me. Learned to tell myself positive things.So when I learned I liked who I was all that insecurity, that feeling "not a part of" left.

I think a lot of it too was I had to stand up for my kids. When there was a crummy teacher, or when the office secretary did not call me when my daughter hurt her finger (it was broken)( I was a present parent and made it clear to always call me for my kids)RRR again I learned I was good at confronting.

I took my kids to the zoo or where ever so I got used to having to talk to strangers and be comfortable out of my comfort zone.

the support here has helped me big time too.

I hope this fits sorta? You are going thru a huge change, it takes time to find YOU in your new situation!love,debilyn

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Karen,

You're recently divorced, right? It will likely take some time to adjust. I know, I've been divorced for just 9 months. I experience a lot of feelings, too. I strive to keep my perspective. When the going gets rough, I ride the wave until it passes through.

Last night I attended a meeting; it was a speaker's meeting. The woman who shared is about my age. She told of her experiences and feelings after her divorce (I think she was married for about 20 years). She also told how she worked the steps, attended meetings, contacted her sponsor, wrote in journals and progressively got to feeling better. It surely didn't happen over night. She claims to still be a work in progress. I love the honesty that is found at meetings.

It helped me immensely to hear her share her story. I sure encourage you to continue going to meetings. I sure wish I had much, much sooner than I did. However, I appreciate that I do now.

Your soul is as beautiful as your outsides. Eventually, you will learn to know it - feel it.

Gail

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