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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Trying to focus
Post Info TOPIC: Trying to focus
gladysg


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Trying to focus
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Tough week. Husband took out a money market fund account, although not knowing what one is. He wants me to go to the bank to get it changed back. He said the banker did everything and he had nothing to do with it. He doesn't want to accept his part in anything and wants me to fix everything. I'm tired of fixing everyone's life and refuse to go to the bank. He assures me when he dies I get everything he has. What kind of consolation is that???? I'm trying to live in the here and now and he wants me to look forward to his death as my release from this marriage and our money problems (at least I have problems with the way he is so ignorant about it as well as his mismanagement).

Dont want to get power of attorney. Don't feel I have a case at this time. I feel like I have hit an iceberg (like on the Titanic) and am hoping for a lifeboat or something. Why am I waiting for him to rescue us? He can't. The downside is we will probably lose everything eventually because of his mismanagement of money.

Trying to find a Plan B. Trying to Let go and let god. Trying to focus on what I can do versus what I can't. I don't know why I'm filled with such rage and resentment. After 10 years this should be easy because he hasn't changed. I guess I have in some ways have changed, but making plans and not including him feels like betrayal. I know if the shoe was on the other foot he would have left me long ago. Just venting. Trying to not have a pity party.



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Debilyn


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HI, good to see ya back. (c:

In my experience with any banking business, only the person who made the account can make changes anyway.

I don't use the word try much. I am working on a plan B, I am working on the what the serenity prayer says.

I know for me boundaries helped. I learned to take care of me again. Stuck money away, just took care of my side of the street.YOu are both adults, we have the right to choose what we are going to do and not do in our life. A marriage does not make us a slave.

I am glad you are venting.It helps us to get our thoughts together.

hope to see you here more. love,debilyn

 



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abbyal


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While the money is in a market fund he cant spend it * bonus *  and i agree he did it he will have to undo it . when he is busy drinking he dosent give anythought to his family just doing what A's do -- drink . getting your life back is better than having no life waiting for him to see the light . I hope you choose to live yours to the fullest and take care of you . Louise



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gladysg


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Thanks for the responses. He wants me to go to the bank with him to undo this. I told him he should do research on what he got into to see if it's a good deal or not. Also, he could look at some credit unions or well reported funds and put the money there, as banks charge very high fees for MMFs. I don't need the hassle. I just am seeing things differently. I think marriage is about "we" and he thinks marriage is about "me" (himself). I did have my money situation going well until last year when I had to help my son. This year will be a struggle, but am looking for ways to help myself so I don't feel so trapped. Maybe it's just me feeling trapped. He's always tried to do that since we got married. He practically ruined my business, scared away my friends, threw away anything that I valued. My mom used to sing God Bless the Child. I need to remember the words to that. This is all relative to him. I just need not feel bad if the bank sucks his money out until he is penniless. Then he'll blame me because I did not go. He wants "us" to keep an eye on his money. I have no access to it at all so I can't check it. That's something he would have to do. He got a little snipity when I told him that. Can't win no matter what.


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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Trying to focus