Since A-BF's relapse over the weekend, I have been so hurt and angry. But I am still focusing on my recovery. I was scolding myself for being angry, but it is what it is. I feel like I have that right, as long as I don't react. I have been trying very hard to detach from the situation. If he calls me and starts with his "I'm sorry, I don't know what to do" and I get angry, I just calmly tell him I am angry and I don't think I can talk about it right now. I told him yesterday about going to the al-anon meetings. I wasn't sure what the response would be but he wasn't judgmental or anything. This morning I e-mailed him a schedule for NA meetings in his area and just told him I couldn't make him go, no one could make him go. But that I love him and just want him to get healthy for himself. He called me tonight and asked me some questions about the al-anon meetings and how it's helping me, etc. He's not saying what he will or will not do. That's ok. I am focusing on my recovery. If he chooses recovery, great! If not, I have to focus on mine and make a choice. He thanked me for the information and he's not mad I sent it or anything (I thought he would be, but I don't really care...I had to do it). I'm thankful he is asking questions, I'm thankful he is thankful and wants to get well, and I am thankful for al-anon to make me well so I can look at this kind of situation with clarity and make choices.

With my ex-AH I spent so much time walking on eggshells. Trying to communicate to him that I felt he had a problem, and any mention of it sent him right on the defensive. Not that it's a good idea to compare addicts, but I'm just saying I am thankful that at least I'm not getting the hateful defensive treatment, and just getting questions about the program. That's a start. "One day at a time..."

Lori