The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For the month of January my Ah and his drinking buddy take the month off from drinking to prove they can. They usually dont make the entire month. But mine did this year. I told him I have mixed feelings because I get to see what a "normal" life could be like without his drinking then get shoved back into reality. He said he would "cut back" and things would be better. Things did get better and I actually felt like I a had a husband to share my life with finally after 11 years. We spent more time together and had more fun than we have in the whole 11 years we've been together. I slipped up on working on my program which I will never do again!!!Two weeks ago it all crashed down around me. Ah was sober maybe 2 days the past 2 weeks. The pain, resentment, hate, self-pity it all just swolled me up once again. working to get back on track with myself. Really struggling right now because I got to see how life could be to what it really is. I should of known better. just can't shake this feeling of loss. Where do I go from here?
Choosing recovery for your self - consistently and ongoing, is about the only real answer I can offer.... Al-Anon, and having a support group for our own respective recoveries, will help get you healthy enough, and will also allow you the dignity of making your own choices... If your hubby is an alcoholic, then I'm afraid that his plan of "cutting down" is an exercise in futility - alcoholism is a progressive disease, and one that cannot be "controlled" by drinking less....
Take care, and keep coming back
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Sarebaer....It's amazing to read about someone going through the same thing asI am...MY AH took me on a "date" he was sober....it was great. Like old times....The next day my sister in law called to say he had left this long drunken message on their machine. It's never over. I'm tired of it as well. and I'm not sure how to "detach-with-love" anymore. HE is needy and unhappy (I left but we see or speak toeach other every day) Someone in my f2f meeting said ofher AH...It's like everything good is gone and all that's left is the worst part of him...amen.
I know what you must be feeling. Good luck...Go cry on someone who really loves you shoulder...and go on.
My AH would come out of the bedroom, I'm an early riser, toddle over to me and put his head on my shoulder, arms around me, sweet nothings, EVERY morning, he would do this (before tending to natures call) and I do so miss it because it was so sweet. Its such a puzzle, how he can be so incredibly sweet and yet so insanely abusive - both sides in one man (but that's the disease of alcoholism). It's easy to dis-remember how bad the bad was.
__________________
I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I can get into a merry go round with an A in a second, the promises, the hope and the let downs. I would highly recommend the book Getting them Sober listed at the top of this page. The book is a great resource for looking at expectations. I fully expected the now ex A to get well over night. He didn't and I set myself up on a merry go round of resentment (which eventually became truly toxic) and anger and rage and depression. For me depression is as deadly as a physical disease.
I'm so glad you are here and able to share. That is so healthy. Keep coming back.
Ouch!! I relate and it was painful for me also. Alcoholism can never be cured; only arrested by total abstinence. (my memory is still inteact). "Once alcoholic...forever alcoholic"..."Relapse...it never gets better only worse" etc.
For me the solutions never changed either...Sponsor, literature, meetings, and foremost Higher Power then finding someone to work with and help who had my own experiences and the need to recovery from enabling.
What comes up for me that is most important was what one of my very wise sponsors taught me to help me not get so thrown off by the drinker - non drinker symptom of alcoholism cause that always was real crazy and depressing for me.
When I use to speak to him about my relationship with my spouse and what was going on with me because of it he use to ask me, "Are you talking about your wife or are you talking about your alcoholic?" Separating the two taught me to respond to what was going on rather than react to it. When I use the program I am always in respond...when I don't I am always in react...caught off guard.
Alcoholism - It's everywhere. In support (((((hugs)))))
where do you go from here ? back to the nearest meeting you can find . Read all you can on expectations and acceptance . This is alcoholism not wasum ,this disease never goes away it lies in wait for a weak moment and wham hits again . with out help its just too much to deal with . \keep going to meetings and regardless of what he does your going to be okay . Louise
