The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Im 16 and my dad is an alcoholic. There is nothing i want more then for my family to stay together and be happy but i do not know when or if that is even possible. In the fall of last year we had an intervention for my dad, he refused to have treatment but said that he would just stop drinking. His drinking has gotten better but he has not completly stopped some days are better than others. My mom stopped loving my dad years ago maybe it was because of the alcohol maybe it was just that she never actually loved him in the first Place. Whatever the case may be she and my dad are still together she says ,because she loves me and my younger sisters too much to ever get a divorce. I know it is not healthy to live in this environment but i did not choose my family i cant just get rid of them, i love them. My mom doesnt trust my dad anymore and this leads to many fights and because she doesnt trust him she has quit her job to monitor him ( my dad gave up on his own buisness years ago) this means they also fight about money often. Recently on a plane ride the women behind me got drunk and i had a panic attack i could not stop shaking and crying this scares me so much because i am worried i will never be able to be around people that are drinking. My mom comes from a very religious family and i have been sent to catholic schools all my life . The experiance with my dad has caused me to question God. my mom prays hours on end and nothing changes. I was raised to believe there is a God but what God would let this happen to me. I am left with a lot of questions that i cant ask my mom because i dont want her to have to worry about me any more then she has to. I wonder what will happen when i start drinking is there a better chance i will turn out like my dad? How will my mom deal with my dad after i leave for college? How can i ever look at alcohol the way most people do after everything that has happenend to me ? Will my dad ever be able to actually stop drinking or be able to drink safely?
Hi, and welcome to MIP.... I can hear the anguish in your post, and you're right - it is a very difficult situation. I would highly recommend you try to find either Al-Anon or Al-Ateen in your area, as you can get all kinds of support and help there. I am also giving away free books entitled "Getting Them Sober", volume one, written by Toby Rice Drews. This book would be a tremendous resource for you (and your mother, siblings, etc) to learn about stuff associated with living around an active alcoholic. Just send me a PM with your name & address if you want a book.
Hope that helps
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
You are not lost and you are not alone. Welcome to MIP! In Alanon we share our experience, strength, and hope. Breathe in and breathe out. Keep coming back to this site. Try to find face to face meetings.
I grew up in a family where alcoholism was part of the bread and butter. Every weekend everyone got drunk to excess. Hang overs were the norm. No one spoke about it. They still don't speak about it.
You are in the "right" place getting to here. I can't think of anything better but reaching out for support, care understanding and the ability to check your reality. What I have learned from growing up around alcoholics, the mentally ill and more is that I can't and won't get my reality acknowledged there. I also know that my own mother prayed day and night and had a view of God as denying, revengeful and mean. I hated God about as much as I hated the situation I found myself in. That is one of my fall backs when I enouncter problems, where is God in this?
I really feel your heartache. I too grew up in an alcoholic home and it was very difficult. There is an old priest that was an amazing teacher to AA/Alanon who recently died a few years back that said " you identify an Alcoholic by the one you know" Well, my dad was an every day pass out drunk by 6.30 PM. The reason why I say this is because I married someone who has extreme difficulties with binge drinking. In college it made sense, most everyone was doing it. In graduate school it still made "sense" at the time in my mind because there were still people doing it. However, it wasn't making sense after we were married, after our kids were born etc. You can insert anything else that would seemingly change someones mind about drinking but it won't work. That is why they call it the family disease of alcoholism. It is cunning and baffeling. That is why alanon really has helped me to recover from the effects of growing up in this disease and currently happily married for almost 10 years to someone who still has difficulties with their drinking. I am an active member of Alanon and have been for six years. I have a awesome sponsor, attend meetings weekly, work the steps, and have group responsibilities. The program has changed my life and I cannot do enough to give back what was so freely given to me.
I just went to a Alanon/Alateen state convention about two months ago. Alateen has STRONG recovery and great kids in it. I do so hope you find a group in this area. You will be amazed about the program. I hope you give it a try.
Please use this forum to keep posting how you feel. There is healing in the writing. So many of us have been where you are and understand how you feel. Welcome and keep coming back!
