(((Lost)))

I am sorry that alcohol has affected your life in negative ways. I am very glad you have found the courage to reach out and find ways of health for yourself through other's experiences, strength and hope. Alateen may be the best way to find other's who share your situation and to find strength in learning to deal with all the chaos addiction brings with it.

I have also experienced panic attacks when in situations with people who have drank too much or are acting irrationally. There are methods of dealing with this that you can work on over time. Everyone views alcohol in different ways, seeing the damage it can cause is not always a bad thing. Knowledge is valuable, I did not understand as a young adult how addictive substances affected people. I do not know if that knowledge would have changed my decisions but it could have. Statistically the chances of a family member suffering alcoholism is higher, genetics or enviroment is a debatable cause. There is ample research available through Alateen and other sources. Learn everything you can.

As much as I know you want to help and take care of your mom and dad, it is out of your control. Both will need to make the decisions and live life as they see best suits them. With active choices to seek recovery they could come back around. but none of us can make our loved ones do this, it is their choice. This is also your choice to make for yourself. Reaching out for help and knowledge is a wonderful first step to make. Being in situations that affect how we view the world makes us vulnerable in many ways, please find an Alateen group where there is safety and the enviroment is monitored to start your journey.

God or our Higher Powers (in respect of everyone's various belief systems) works in mysterious ways. At times we are faced with difficult situations that seem unfair and make us feel forgotten or punished. But nobody knows the reasons why those difficult times may be needed. Perhaps to force someone to have no alternative other than to seek help or make a change in life. Maybe to prepare someone with the knowledge they ned for an experience they will have. I felt abandoned at one time but I was not abandoned, I was because of my own resistance to guidance pushed harder in the right direction ... it's a long story Keep talking and praying to your HP and you will be guided to where you should be going. Faith.

I hope this offers some insight to questions you have. Thank you for sharing. You'll be in my prayers.

Jen

Aloha Lost...Welcome to the board.  Your story brings up my own memories of then and also what has happened and is going on now. I would like to offer you a suggestion and that is attending an open meeting of the Al-Anon Family Groups where you can go and listen to others tell you their experiences.  What it was like, what happened and what it is like now for them. 

You are worried about your family, your self and your future and I did that also.  I was also born and raised in the disease of alcoholism as it has worked to take down my entire family and myself however the hope for me came from the Al-Anon Family Groups.  I suggest you don't get to deep into the future before you get to some meetings.  If you don't drive..ask for a lift there.  The hotline number for the the Family Groups is in the white pages of your local telephone book and you will find out where and when the meetings are.  Don't worry that you might be the youngest member in the room.  You're qualified to be there and an old guy from Hawaii has suggested you go.  When you are there sit down and listen to the membership and share if you are asked to or don't...it's your choice and ask them if there are any Alateen groups within reach where the teen family members gather and work out recovery.

You didn't choose your family and neither did you cause the alcoholism.  You can't control it or your mom and pop and it cannot be cured.  You can only learn to take care of and build your own life. 

One final experience about your own drinking?  If you're watching it take down your family the way it is and you know others who have been consumed by it understand that it will take you down just as fast and faster than your dad because it destroys females faster.  That is just a little bit of information.  Alcoholism has a very strong genetic history...children of alcoholics tend to become alcoholics themselves.  It is a fatal disease.

I am grateful you are here and I hope you keep coming back.  There is sooooo much more to know and grow with.  ((((hugs))))

PS...a few more words of honesty...I am also a member of AA, Alcoholics Anonymous and alcohol is a mind and mood altering chemical and class A drug thousands of years old.  Because of it's power there isn't much known about safe drinking.  It goes to work on the human system from the very first drink and it is not a health food.  Being "intoxicated" means being under the influence of a toxic chemical otherwise known as a poison.  Lots of homework to do...but it's worth it.  Need to keep you around a long time.