The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new to this forum, but have been lurking for a while reading others post. My husband of 23 years was diagnosed with Lupus and RA three years ago. Since then our life has been a living hell. His family doctor started giving him pain pills, while his rheumatologist told him he didnt need to be taking opiates. His addiction to pain pills had spiraled out of control. He is on one type of pill for a while; he claims it stops working so his family doctor gives him something stronger. He has struggled with depression his entire life and the pills only make things worse. He cant manage his meds on his own, he will take too many, so I am responsible for giving him his meds every fours hour, thus enabling him to continue his downward spiral. I have talked to him so many times about going into rehab, but he refuses.
The story is always the same, he is in pain, he is sick, no one understands, etc, etc... He had to take an early retirement from his job of 27 yrs and lost any type of social life that he had. He has stopped being a father to our four children who are now teenagers. He is not the man that I married and I am so unhappy, our kids are unhappy and our house is full of stress.
One of our sons was diagnosed with a chronic illness just over a year ago. My husband is now jealous of our son because I take him to dr appts, hospitals and treatments every few weeks. Through my husbands eyes, I have chosen my children over him. One of my other sons who is almost 16 has started skipping school, hanging out with the wrong kids and making poor choice. All of my children are old enough to understand what is going on and tired of seeing their father high on pills. When he leaves the house, which is only once or twice a month, they worry about him the entire time his is gone. If he is not in bed hiding from the world, he is screaming at our kids for one reason or another.
I am very lucky to have a family that loves me and can help me financially if I make the decision to leave my husband. I am so scared to step outside the box and do what I know needs to be done I just dont know how to take the first step. I am powerless and miserable and the deep love that I found with the man of my dreams 23 year ago has turned into pure hate. I am so lost!
I would suggest what I am sure you have read here on MIP suggested to others. Find an Al-Anon meeting in your area where you can find the help you need. You need the help and support from others who have walked in your shoes. Coming to this board is the first step in your recovery, keep coming back. Take the next step in your recovery by making Al-Anon face to face meetings regular part of your life. You don't have to be alone in this disease anymore. It is so important that you start taking care of yourself first. You have been effected by this disease more than you realize. In the rooms of Al-Anon you can find the help and support you need and deserve.
I am glad you found MIP and am thinking Al-anon face to face meetings could definitely be of help to you. The people here are also so loving and understanding. First things first is to take care of yourself. When you are taking care of yourself you are better able to meet the needs of your children and your husband. An addict is not a rational thinker, the hardest part to do is to dettach with love if you can do it. It may help you to better find peace of mind and find the energy to take better care of yourself. The serenity prayer and other Al-anon slogans help me throughout the day to let go and find my inner peace. I will be praying for you to receive the answers that you need from your HP.
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God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
Welcome to MIP! You have come to the right place. We are to give our experience, strength and hope not advice. My AHsober of over 30 years left the marriage; he said that he was choosing his addictions (computer games, smoking, etc.) and didn't want to work on our marriage any more. He isn't in recovery, he has let his health go, he is not the man that I love so much. I know how disappointing it is after all those years of a life together. You are not lost but have found us. Try face to face Alanon meetings and/or read some of the literature. It helps. Keep coming back.
I am glad you found MIP and are looking into AlAnon, give face to face meetings and read as much literature as you can. The peace that I was able find inside has been well worth each effort. Learning the tools has helped me to make decisions in my life that are the best for me.
Quite a few years ago my dad was being over medicated whether by choice or by his doctors design. I had concerns for a while that his life was never going to be managable and that he either was or would become extremely addicted. I do not know for certain the reasons or motivations behind it all but he did make the decision one day that enough was enough. Since then alternative means and pain management education has changed his life. There is hope that a managed pain life can be obtained that does not have to be the medicated one.
I hope you find all the knowledge and peace of mind I have discovered here. You're in my prayers.
This sounds really familiar and is a typical way people slide into opiate abuse. The three C's are a good place to start for you here. You did not cause this, can't control it, cannot cure it. Are you really helping him spiral down by giving him his meds? You know it would be worse if you just handed them over to him. Nothing you did caused this and you are doing the best you can. Try not to beat up on yourself for a situation that was not of your doing.
