Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> extracting happiness
Post Info TOPIC: extracting happiness
mjhyankees


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 413
Date:
extracting happiness
Permalink  

Hey everyone.  I'm still doing fairly well.  I've made a conscious effort to play with the puppy my wife got (even though I still don't WANT him).  I find I get more annoyed than I usually would when he craps on the rug etc.  Not his fault, but it reminds me that I don't want him.  So, I try to have fun with him, and can be.  As all pups he's full of energy and I enjoy the obviously confused look on his face as he tries to figure out where the toy went as I play with him.  My thought is that there must be SOMETHING good I can take out of this,and playing with a dog (my baby, Blacky - the Shih tzu also joins in) is fun and relaxing (of course I already had a dog to play with and have fun and relax etc....but trying to get something good here).  Of course he's taken a liking to me - first of all pets are unconditional lovers - but also I've always had a way with dogs.  They seem to gravitate toward me.  I could be at someone's house where there are 20 people for a party and their dog will stick to me like glue all day.

My therapist has pointed out to me that I don't allow good stuff in my life sometimes because I've DECIDED to be negative about whatever it is (and sometimes they are NEGATIVE events).  That in order to cope and accept I have to find some good and extract that from the situation otherwise I'm just denying myself.  Had trouble wrapping my head around that for a while but I'm starting to get it.  There is likely goodness and joy and happiness wrapped up in every event (may not be alot of those sometimes but there's some remnant there) and not extracting it out is just denying myself happiness.  Hmmmmm....this may take a while to really GET IT.....but at least I can see it now.  Doesn't mean everything is wonderful etc. but I guess this has something to do with choosing to be happy.  I guess life is full of good and bad stuff, often wrapped up together.  If I only focus on the bad (don't want the puppy, wife shouldn't have done this, don't want the expense etc.) and don't extract the good (he can be fun, he's company for my other dog- at least when he's grown up and not chewing on Blacky's ear) and somehow it has added to me relationship with my daughter:

1.  she told me that I handled it very well.  She knew I wasn't happy about this but that I didn't yell or carryon or do anything that would take the joy out of it for her and she appreciated it?  Not bad for a 9 year old.

2.  She named the dog Lucky......the other day she told me why:  "he was lucky that Daddy didn't take him back to the breeder"......



__________________
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

Smacken ya! (c: I know you were just making a point. BUT its not the pups fault if it potties in the house. Its yours.

I have raised dogs for over 40 years. It was rare for them to go in the house. I never let that happen to the best of my ability.

I am talking puppies I raised with a mom dog too! Ya take them outside! Or put in a doggy door, feed them outside!

It hard becuz you didn't plan for this. Raising animals is a huge job!

My pet pigs never pottied in here. Hey I had a pretty white turkey, Fee fee who loved to sleep on the end of my bed and in the bathroom sink. She NEVER pottied in here!

Anyway you are doing great. Ya know you started doing better after the new family member came. (c: I think you are thriving on the distraction, plus it is making your daughter happy!

Ya never let puppies wander around the whole house unless you are playing or right there. YOu limit their space. I am jealous. I would LOVE to raise more and more! My puppies are all adults now but they still need the same love and attention!

Its good to see ya post. debilyn



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
likemyheart


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1277
Date:
Permalink  

Hey MJ - I like how you said "there is likely joy and happiness in every event" - cheers!

__________________
I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
pinkchip


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5663
Date:
Permalink  

It is likely that living with an alcoholic you have learned to brace yourself for chaos and the next tragedy. While that is based upon your real experiences, it does't apply to all circumstances. It's kind of like living with chronic mild PTSD. I think your therapist probably is on to something and is using cognitive behavior strategies to help you filter your experiences more positively. Positive thinking takes work sometimes. I think that is why they nickname the negative voices in our head the Sh*tty Committee lol.

__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> extracting happiness