Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> I still cried!!
Post Info TOPIC: I still cried!!
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
I still cried!!
Permalink  

I watched, "Bicentennial Man" spell? I found myself crying at the end. Though I cannot remember, blocked out, the strong love we had. my A and I, things will make me cry.

AFter all these years! What Dreams may come gets me too, and Ghost. Some is my first A husband who died, some is my dear ex AH kinda still living.

I think it is watching the ones left behind. Knowing how that feels. And so unbalanced and not quite able to even think about loving and being close like that with anyone else.

When I first had dogs, I got soooo attached, so much so. The losses were crippling.

I notice now, I love them dearly but not so much as they are part of me. Cept one my Tavish Basset. means beloved. I let him slip in and am terrified to be with out him. I told my kids and friends when he goes, you better have a baby Basset in my arms asap.

Yet that is scarey....

So I wonder if I would able to ever get to that two as one thing again anyway. How could I and how could I be sure it would last? I mean I loved exAH since I was 17. I always knew he was my soul mate. My first husband and I married as we were such good friends, AH was in the war, I was pg with AH's baby.I did love first A though. But not like AH.

Hard times. I always knew ex AH was the ONE. Never doubted it even once. When we finally got married, him in strong recovery I was the happiest I had ever been in my life, him too.Every kiss, every time with all intimacy was like the first time. WE NEVER lost that passion, never. And it grew even more.

Then disease and trauma took him away. I see him and he is a shell, that guy in there is NOT him.

I was shocked I still would cry and sob like that! Thought I should go see him before I move. But I heard my Al Anon me say, "If he wanted to see you, he would have tried."My man who was my other pea in the pod is dead.

I am NOT depressed. STill happy! Just is amazing what love can do to us. There are some people in our lives we will always miss, just how it is.

Going back to bed! Woke at five am ugh. Of course all the dogs followed me to the living room!goofs.  love yous, deb

 

 

 

 

 

 



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Mattie


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3613
Date:
Permalink  

Sometimes it's just sad.  But it's good that we can feel the feelings and know we have them, isn't it?  It's suppressing the feelings that really makes people crazy.  And isn't it good when we can hear that internal Al-Anon voice?  It keeps things real.  Sometimes sad, sometimes good, always real.



__________________
Desirae


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 32
Date:
Permalink  

I know how you feel loving the shell of a man that used to be... I have known my AH since we were 5 & 6 years old. It kills me to see he has died inside. I wish I knew what hurt him so badly theat he feels as if he needs to be that numb towards life. Al-anon has not only saved me, but has taught me how to have compassion without codependancy for my AH. The program has also helped me give our 7 year old daughter some healthy coping skils, which I never had (I am acoa too). It is difficult, no doubt. I sit up sometimes and read through the letters we wrote back and forth while he was in the army (we both saved them all) we were both different people then, I have noticed.

So, I say prayers of comfort for us both right now... and I urge you to try/stick with Al-anon... it works if you work it and you are definately worth it.

__________________
maresie


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 4578
Date:
Permalink  

I was talking to a friend today about the nature of my attachment to the now ex A.  How I stuck with him for so long despite all the pain, loss and sense of futility

 

leaving seemed impossible, staying seemed impossible.

 

I'm so gla dyou are here.

 

Maresie.



__________________
maresie
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> I still cried!!