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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> HP Gives of Challenges Right?
Post Info TOPIC: HP Gives of Challenges Right?
delhommefan


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HP Gives of Challenges Right?
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Right as I start this whole process, I feel like I am being tested. (That's ok...just hard)

Sadly my BF called last night with horrible news. He's been at the hospital with his Dad for the past 3 days and they've been running all these tests on him. They diagnosed him with pancreatic cancer last night and they believe it is in the liver and other organs. His Dad is 80 so I have a bad feeling there's just not much they can, or he will opt, to do. I know he's lived a long, happy life but it still sucks none the less. It all happened really fast. One day he was a happy, 80 years young, very active guy. The next moment he's suffering from dimentia and cancer. In the process of detachment, I get confused about how to be throughout this for my BF. As a co-dependent my first instinct is to make my BF talk to me about it, tell him I'll drive there to be with them (it's 10 hours away...), etc. I just feel so powerless for all of them. I feel like what I've learned so far has helped me react differently. I just keep telling my BF I am here to talk IF HE WANTS TO and I'll be here for what he needs and what I can do. And I'm praying. I want to scream and do so much more! But I know I just cannot. My ultra co-dependent, controlling mother was shrieking on the phone with me about "how my BF CANNOT take care of them on his own (both his parents) and he needs to hire help, etc" I also have to detach from that. They don't have to do anything they don't want to do...it's their life! If my BF feels that he can take care of them and wants to do that, then great! If it gets too hard and he feels like he needs help, great! Trying to take this first big hurdle and deal with it in the non-reactive, supporting way.

In the meantime, prayers are needed. His parents are seriously just like the couple in The Notebook. They had to spend their first night apart since they got married 60 years ago this week. So sad. :( 



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hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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Dear Lori 

 That is sad and prayers are on the way.  You are doing great!!! Stay on your side of the street.  Offer support, understanding, an ear and prayer.  The hospital, social workers etc will offer the best direction for appropriate  care.  

Keep repeating the serenity prayer and HP will give you the serenity, courage and wisdom to walk thru this. 



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Mattie


~*Service Worker*~

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There are so many difficulties and tragedies in life.  We certainly need all our strength and recovery to face them.

I'm so sorry to hear about your BF's dad.  This is a situation beyond the capacity of any family (even with a girlfriend ten hours away added!).  That's what hospitals and professionals are for.  If the situation warrants, they will call hospice in and those people know exactly what to do and how to support the family.

A's can have unusual reactions to family crises because they're not practiced at handling emotions even in "normal" life.  So easy for us to get sucked in.  Keep on taking good care of yourself. 



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Debilyn


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Oh hon, my love goes out to you and your loved ones. Such a hard time.

I don't believe hp gives us hurdles, I don't believe in predestine or fate. But I believe Hp watches the choices we make. He of course knows all, but we don't. Meaning we still decide and see what WE choose. We don't know whats coming and how we will decide.

I believe hp is always there to guide us, support us, teach us.

You are making some good decisions, and also not putting yourself in bad positions. That is great. We learn so much about ourselves in these tough situations.

If your HP is the creator, then the Bible says we won't be tempted with more than we can bare. That he will help us to endure. I tell ya I just experienced that with this situation I am in.

sending you hope! It will all be ok. Things always change and heal.

love,deb

 

 



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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nal


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Sorry to hear this; sending prayers your way.



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nal
maresie


~*Service Worker*~

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As a codependent I have always been pretty clear on what others needed to do and that was regardless of the state of my life, financies, energy, health resources.

I too have always jumped up and ran when it came to other's needs.  Sitting with what I felt, what the options were and what I felt like were not options.  I over reacted, was over responsible and plunged in regardless.  I know for me that came from growing up around people who were in constant chaos, pain and always always on over whelm

My sponsor says that life is hard and I've always railed against that. Why me, I can fix it, I can..do anything but uh work a program.

 

I'm so glad you can sit still, take care of yourself, know the boundary between you and others.  I had no clue whatsoever for years.

I'm so humbled to read of your share and your obvious clarity.

 

Maresie.

 

 



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maresie
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> HP Gives of Challenges Right?