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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just had probably one of the Best Weekends, I have had in a LONG Time... So Why is it I feel so Guilty about it...
My Husband and I purchased a Piece of Property that in the Next 5-7 years we hope to Move too, When My Son is Out of School or Off to College... No One has lived there in Many Decades, and it has been over run by vines some 6 inches round, killing All the trees... So we have been putting in every spare moment cutting the vines from the groud hoping to bring some LIFE Back to the woods, and it is really starting to pay off, it is starting to look amazing... At least to me ;0) Watching "Green" Come out of what was once Rubble & Weeds, is Truly a WOnderful thing...
So this weekend there was a couple events that were Al-Anon related that I did not attend becuase I was Cleaning up my property, and they were fun things, don't get me wrong... I Wish there were more hours in a day or even maybe More Energy in Me to make them happen...
I Did make a Meeting Friday, "early" because I thought I would be of help for them preparing for the event the next morning.. turns out they done had it under control, so I just stood around till the meeting more or less... then our Sunday Night was to have a "Spring Fling" which i Do enjoy every year, were we hang out an hour before the meeting and munch out on Junk and Chat ...Bbut after the Labor induced day that I had I truly did not have the strength...
Yet this morning I wake up and Feel like i let someone Down, and some times, I feel like it is ME That I let down as well by NOT Making them... Does this Make ANY Sense...
When I was down there over the weekend, Sat. We had the boy and he & I had some AWESOME bounding time together, we worked hard, and burned Brush, and raked Vines, cut brush, filled ALL my Bird Feeders ( I have about 10 now) :) and we even took time to sit and get some snap shots of them... It was WONDERFUL... that night He had a Game so we had to go to that, and then the next morning he went with Friends & Just me and the Husband went... And he worked at one end And I At the other, so there wasn't much together time, but I am So Very Much at Peace when I am There...
I get to Working, and the birds start chirpin and I loose Time!!! Its like it stands still, if only for a little while.. Even "Work" Don't Feel like Work...lol... YET I Come home and have Guilt... Why is that.???
I Mean i Know I have busted my Hump for many Years along side my husband to get the things that I have, and I can honestly say that if I Could, I would Sell EVERYthing I Own but my Harley, and this Place, I would be OK with that... and i could live in a Camper...
This place is like "Checking" my Bucket List of Life, it was a Dream I had for EVER to have a place where I can sit and watch the Woods Come alive with Birds & Deer, & Animals, and Just BE!!! I Don't Worry about becoming lazy there, because Gods Beauty can always use a Face lift from time to time so I am sure i will be Kept busy... :0) Just Loving it...
(Some) of My Family is in Panic Mode about the Place, because they are affraid we will Sell OUR Other Place that they spend their Summers For Free... And I Don't have plans of it, but with the way the econimy is, if I need to sell it I will... I will invite them to share our New Place, but it will be for Visits only... Not My Entire Summer...
Even as I Type it I Feel Selfish, and Guilt Riddin... Makes No Since...
How Can Something that Brings Me ALIVE... Be or Feel Like a Bad thing?... I Now Run Year Round for Soccer with my Boy, and I Wouldn't Trade that for the World, this Year he decided to take on "Spring" Soccer along with Fall, & Winter Indoor... I thought about telling him No, but he is only a Boy Once, and when I See him out there, I know I made the right Call... and when We are Not Playing Sports, I would like to think that All I had Worked for Would in the End Be a Little Quieter, I Little More HP Time, & A Little Less Running and "Making" Events... A Little Bit of Peace & Harmony... I mean I have a LONG time till I can Retire, but ya know, I'm Looking Forward to having a Little LESS of Everything so that I Can "Reap what I have Sown, What HP Has helped me Sow" I suppose...
Does this Make Any Sense at All... How do I Walk thru this with a Little Less Guilt and not Feel Like I"m Being Selfish to Others... Looking for Some ESH If Ya Have any To Spare ....
Much Love, & Respect for you All ... Thanks for Being here
Most of us are over responsible , we take commitment very seriously . You attend your meetings regularly so obviously your giving back by just showing up , there are other members that can help at special outings in your area this is an oportunity for them to step up and help.. family time is very important considering where we come from ,the serenity you describe in your post is priceless you earned it , enjoy . Louise
I know when I am really enjoying something, I, 2, would feel guilt, but that is disappearing as now more and more I realize that I deserve joy.
I had to say "no" to a relative who wanted me to work 4 her for free when I have my own responsibilities to take care of and one of them was fun with a good friend. I did not feel guilt. Her demands, which were not an emergency, did not fit into my schedule and I could not fit her in without depriving me of my own need to take care of myself. Something I had been kind of slipping of late. I am back in the online evening meetings more regularly to keep my self thinking healthy.
I hope you enjoy your new land. It sounds exciting! I am a country girl and I long 4 the country again. All things as they are meant to be. So if it is meant for me it will happen.
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Sounds like you already know what's "best" for you!
As Louise says, you're just giving someone else the opportunity to step up and help. That's pretty much how I ended up taking the position of GR for my home group, our existing GR had taken on additional responsibilities and could no longer do the job.
It sounds so awesome -- a real labour of love.
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
It warmed my heart to read your post and to understand your struggle. Please give yourself permission to be a Happy, Supportive Person who needs to make time for herself ad the joy HP provides in her life
Why in the world would you feel bad about something that made you feel so good?
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
