Trying to find my own interests. - Al-Anon Family Group

Nutbar · Veteran Member

Trying to find my own interests.

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

What did you want to do when you were a teenager Nutbar? I remember that I liked drawing, playing piano and singing. I found my interest by going back to what my heart desired as a teen. I don't know, maybe it will help?

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Nutbar,

Consider going back to school or taking a couple classes. I did not make the decision to go back in order to find new ways of focusing my energies but it sure has managed to keep me busy and definitely dominates my life, time and focus LOL

When i was married to my exah and needing to relearn how to have other interests I found I did best with creative outlets. I was able to get lost in my own world when I was painting or drawing, time would fly by and I was able to let go of that habit of being overly interested in his activities. And it brought me peace and joy that had been lacking, as well as self confidence when I created something I was really happy with. Art continues to be a great therapy tool for me.

Jen

Nutbar · Veteran Member

That's a great question. However, as a teenager my two main interests were girls and booze! Probably not a good option for my marriage right now. But seriously I don't think I've ever been passionate about anything, just a broad range of activities. My children are a passion of mine however I need something for me. I just can't get myself into gear.

Nutbar · Veteran Member

Thanks for replying Jen. Your idea of creativity is a good one. I'm no artist however there's plenty of other creative things to do. Thank you very much.

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

aren't there certain areas in life that sort of get your attention? I want to do search and rescue - I am an EMT in a rural setting, its something that came later in life and appeals to the "giving to the community" part of me - certain things speak to me - search and rescue does and I am sure that I will seek it out if ever I get the time/chance. I think everyone has things that get their interest, but we put them aside to raise our kids, take care of sick relatives, etc. what sparks you Nutbar?

Nutbar · Veteran Member

Thanks likemyheart. Yes search and rescue is of interest. I have a lot of hunting experience so am used to rugged environments. I'm sort of over the hunting but I sort of enjoy, golf, helping people, real estate, politics. I've done well in my career but I like to shut that away after 5pm and in the weekends.

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

How about something like helping Habitat For Humanity? Woodworking? Take on a project at home or someone elses (elderly folks need help). My daughter and I laid laminate floor..lol It even looked good, mitered corner molding and all. Then I created a 3 tierd rock garden. It's a lot like work but big projects are great for keeping busy and for the head.

I always wanted to get a metal detector and go treasure hunting..It's still on my bucket list. This summer I'm taking on kyaking. Last summer I fostered dogs from the shelter. When something pops in to my head, I just do it.

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

I had the same problem so I simply tried different things , joined a health club * just for a few months to see if I liked it * I didn't hehe. Started going to the swimming pool again , tried some short courses , cooking and learning about spices etc. I also went to movies alone or took myself out to lunch occasionally change takes time try a bunch of different things til you find something you enjoy . Maybe volunteering ?? good luck Louise

Nutbar · Veteran Member

Thank you Christy and Abbyal, you have both been a great help. What I'm going to do is try lots of various things as you both suggested. There is a heap of opportunity where I live so I have no excuses. It really takes the heat off by hearing your advice as I've always been looking for the one big interest. I'm going to get myself so busy outside work that I haven't got time to worry! Many thanks for your help.

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

I too still struggle with what to do with myself as far as hobbies to keep my mind on a healthy course after so many years of being obsessed with my ex AH. I took an EMT class, I walk my dog a lot and listen to music to keep my mind from regressing. I was thinking about taking horse back riding lessons with my oldest and I have started a bucket list to see what I can do. I am still having a hard time setting long term goals, but finally set short and mid ones. It is a process, but can be so fun. I hope you find somethings that really grab you. Best of luck!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

HI, One thing I had to remind myself of, was that when we are that tore up from the A disease, it takes awhile to really enjoy what we used to.

There is a slogan we have,"fake it until we make it."

I was so down. I love animals, they are one of my passions. But when I am down, I lose that feeling so much. But I still did the same motions. Now they make me laugh again and feel happy.

Its harder for us to be stimulated when we are healing. What did help me or does, is researching different things online. Teaching me things, exploring. It helps to get your mind and heart going.

Are you going to meetings? That helps.

Massages are a good way to ease us up, take away tension. I know for me, hard work kept me going. I liked the habitat for humanity suggestion, as I love woodworking etc. Also just to get my body out the door, I like to walk. It does not have to be some big thing. Keep it simple uno?

When you are sitting on your rocking chair on the porch when you are old, what do you want in your memories? What will you have regretted you did not do?

I want to parachute at least once!(in my condition that may be out! (c:Most of us are caretakers. so for me, I like to help people as much as I can.

For me, the most fun I have is with my friends and kids. don't get to see them much though. But I do love raising a puppy or two or three! (When I was younger)

If you like animals, you can volunteer at a shelter.

My son is under lots of stress, especially now cuz his wife is progressing in being an A, so sad. He fishes, is a fishing nut. He will just drive to a good spot and fish after work. On week ends packs way in to neat places. Takes his huge Newfy/mastiff. He is an avid fly fisherman.

I also love to read, I do a lot of that. I also number one worked on my spiritual me. I love reading the Bible and learing about it, and what it offers. Sometimes we forget how important our spiritual needs are.

So honestly don't be hard on yourself. Starting simple is best. Let your heart heel and go easy on you. You will know when ya do, what is waiting for you to discover.

Love,debilyn who is insane as she LOVES to sit and groom her hairy dogs!

Aloha · ~*Service Worker*~

I've been slowly getting back to pursuing my own genuine interests. I can tell you that one thing that helped me was to bring the question "What DO I like to do?" to my Higher Power. Seriously, sometimes I have to ask the question before i can find an answer. I've found that asking the question just generates some sort of shift in my mind that eventually starts drawing me to new experiences and old enjoyments.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

What I did was put my entire focus on my program which included going to college.
Since alcoholism was always trying to take my life 24/7 and had already taken almost
all of my sanity already trying to make a go of some kind of new endeavor under those
sick condition was humor. After I was in program for a while and healthy I went on to
all kinds of interesting endeavors. First things first for me. ((((hugs)))) smile

Tracy · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi,
I do not have a lot of time on my hands but if I had more I think service is a good place to start the more I am around the programme the better I feel. After my meeting on Saturday I went for breakfast with a couple of al anon memebers. This weekend I am going to a convention with some other members. I also do something called Zumba which is fun. Ask Hp for guidance and your answers will come.

hugs

delhommefan · Veteran Member

I think the gym and volunteer work are good places to start. The gym has always been my sanity, Throughout my life, I have been a co-dependent and have been directly affected by either someone else's alcoholism or mental issues. At 15 I started working out and it's been my only "safe harbor" since then. My ex-AH and I fought about it all the time. He hated me staying in shape while he drank his life away. Its the only thing I've ever done that has made me less co-dependent and I rarely skip it for anyone. If I do, I know I'm in real trouble!

ANYWAY, I think that's a great thing to do obviously. If you go to the gym and get bored easily like I do, I'd recommend taking classes. They last 45-90 minutes and completely occupy your mind. I do kickboxing, cycling, zumba and yoga/pilates classes. It's very hard for me to remained focused when I'm in a down place while I'm on a treadmill or elliptical machine. The classes completely take me out of that place.

Another thing I've been doing lately is getting more involved with my church. I've never been a super religious person but I've found a church for the first time in my life that makes me feel so welcome, and I try to give back to it. Maybe consider signing up for some outside classes-martial arts, art classes, writing classes, a reading group...anything that interests you.

I'm just like you...it takes a lot to occupy my mind. My daughter occupies it when she's here and not with her Dad. When she's gone I could go mad sometimes. Watching movies and sitting in a quiet room are very hard for me. I've found that I've had to work out more, and make new friends to help with this, and to keep me out of the shopping malls cuz if I get real down, I will spend money I do not have!

Hang in there!!!

Lori

Nutbar · Veteran Member

You have all been of great help. Thank you very much. Yes, it's that time on my own that gets my head spinning with negative thoughts. Well I've joined a program at the gym which is a start. Thank you all very much. I can't believe how supportive and kind you all are.
Cheers,
Nutbar - soon to be Nut Free!

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