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Post Info TOPIC: Haven't Been On For A While...


Veteran Member

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Posts: 37
Date:
Haven't Been On For A While...


Okay one, WHY am I afraid to attend a meeting?? I keep saying I'm going to go. I know I need to go but I always chicken out! I am not antisocial at all and I really know this is something I need to do. Someone please tell me I'm not going to be like one of three people there...I freak out every time!

And two, I'm reading the book "Codependent No More" and all I can say is WOW! I'm definitely not codependent in every way it explains but I'm pretty darn close. Some of the stories I didn't relate to...some of them sounded like I was writing them. I'm doing all the activities at the end of the chapters too and that alone is really helping me. I've been through a lot in the last month and it's helped me really get a handle on things. I'm learning that I was strong enough, and independent enough, to leave the situation I was in (alcoholic ex-husband) but I'm seeing more and more that his ways have greatly affected me. It's been almost three years since I left and I am in a new relationship. I love the man I am with very much, but I know I must learn to break free of my codependence if this relationship, or ANY relationship I'm in, will work out. I've never had trust issues with anyone but my ex had a lot of them with me. He is codependent and alcoholic. I feel like a lot of his tendencies have rubbed off on me and those were the things I hated about him.

So I am just ranting and kind of posting an update. I feel so much better reading that book. I know meetings would push me even further into my own recovery...I guess I just need a little push.



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Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 30
Date:

Hi there, I'm in the same boat as you. I'm going to my first meeting next week and am very worried about it. So, I've decided that I'll drive to the venue and then make the desicion. Knowing me I reckon there's a 75% chance I'll walk through the door! During the drive there I'm going to curse about my wife and her freaking alcoholic behavior. Maybe this isn't the right approach however whatever gets me there will ultimately be best. I feel like a victim and am angry that someones boozing has turned me into a Nutbar.

Nutbar.

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Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 37
Date:

Same here Nutbar. I have been on the way there and turned around. In my case I am out of the alcoholic relationship but I am finding that I am still greatly affected. And I am seeing that my entire past has set me up for what I got into and how I am responding. And it makes me really angry too. I am angry at my Grandmother for being an alcoholic and a terrible mother to my Mom. And I am mad at my Mom for not recognizing that she needs help to cope through those things because they directly affected us. And I am mad at my ex-husband for putting me through what he did and somewhat making me this person who I hate being sometimes. At the end of the day though, we can only do for us. I'm hoping the meetings and steps will get me out of this anger because I hate being angry. Good luck to you!!  Maybe it would help to attend a meeting online first...that's kind of what I was thinking maybe I should do. Hang in there!

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Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 30
Date:

Thanks for your support delhommefan! If this doesn't work I'm going to heard goats in
Outer Mongolia! Good luck to you.

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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1230
Date:

Hi Lori:

Don't beat yourself up!

It took 3 years of contemplation before I stepped foot into a meeting.  That was some time in June of 2010.  My second time was just last Tuesday.  I'm going to attend another meeting tonight, but this time it will be a different place.

I finally decided to go when the "need" and the "willingness" came together.  Plus, I just got really tired of the fear.  I would ask myself what I was afraid of.  My answers irked me and then I told myself - I'M GOING!

You don't have to do anything but listen if you don't want to speak.

Ease up.  When the time is right for you, you will go.  Gail

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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light.  Lama Surya Das

Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die.  Malachy McCourt

RLC


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1483
Date:

Everyone gets to their first meeting when it is time for them to get to their first meeting. I attended my first meeting within 15 minutes of a friend telling me I should try Al-Anon. It was only 4 blocks from my home. That was almost 5 years ago, but I still say I was 5 years late to that first meeting. I've made the two f2f meetings (two different groups) I attend each week a part of my life. At my first meeting their were 9 ladies and me. One of the ladies came up to me and asked if I was a hugger or a shaker. I smiled and told her I was both....so she gave me a hug and welcomed me to their group. I'm still the only man in that group, we are a family, we understand, love, and accept each other. I will add I am the coffee person. I get to the meeting early, make the coffee and keep the ladies cups refilled during the meeting. I have been told on more than one occasion as long as I continue to make and serve the coffee I can continue coming to the meeting, and I believe those ladies. LOL.

When you do decide the time is right for you and you walk through the doors of Al-Anon for the first time your story won't be like mine. But you will find a new family who will accept you, support you, and understand you as perhaps no one else can. Giving back to others what the program has given you is what Al-Anon is about. It's also a two way street. Your ES&H might be exactly what another member needs to hear.

HUGS,
RLC











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