Its a mess. I feel lost. - Al-Anon Family Group

Aynot · Newbie

Its a mess. I feel lost.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Get ye to Alanon and pronto! The folks there will help you find solutions, set limits, set boundaries, feel good about yourself, and just do the next right thing.

Your concerns are valid. Many would say to high tail it out of there or give up on the relationship. I have made that mistake myself on this site. People aren't generally going to tell you that in Alanon, cuz only you can decide it.

I don't know if this will be of comfort to you, but I would feel lost and confused in your situation too. You tried to do the right thing. You didn't know it would be like this. It's not your fault and it's not going to help you to beat yourself up over it. You have some decisions to make. Try not to obsess over what a big problem all this is. Start thinking about what your solutions might be.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I just want to add that it is not your responsibility -- or even possible -- to make things right between your son and his dad. I know the sorrow you must feel about your own father. But you can't make things different with your bf. You may know the Al-Anon three C's: you didn't Cause it, you can't Control it, you can't Cure it.

What you can do is take care of yourself and your son. It sounds as if this is not a good place for you right now, so maybe taking care of yourself would consist of thinking what your next move is. Don't wait for your ex to stop drinking or get better to take care of yourselves. That's giving him power he shouldn't have. Your son can have a good life with only one responsible parent -- thousands of children have.

It sounds as if Al-Anon could be some good support for you, both about your dad and about your current situation. I hope you can take advantage of all the support available. Your son might also benefit from Ala-teen. Please take care and keep coming back.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Aynot
It certainly sounds as if you could use alanon Please check for face to face meetings in your community by going to

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

Your son wwould also benefit from alateen meetings. THESE ARE ALANON MEETINS FOR teens

You see alcoholism is a serious dreadful disese that infects every member of the family Alanon and alateen have been founded to help family members recover from the devastation caused BY THIS ILLNESS

Please know you and your son are onot alone and that here is hope and help for you

Breaking the isolation, honestly looking at the situation and focusing on yourself works wonders

Keep coming back

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.